A melting pot of nonsensical stories. Volume I

Frog and Bear

Bear is worried, he is running out of honey.
He was lasy all last week, and didnt go to work, so now he has no fucking money.

"Oh poor me"........he cries
"I miss a few days at work' and everyone thinks im a jerk. Im busy trying to get into some hibernation, walking the woods, with determination, looking for honey to put in my tummy.

Bear went out to look for a new bed to rest his weary head on, but when he came back to his little shack, he found two racoons in the sac.

" Get the fuck out of my shack and dont come back.

Oh, what am I to do", this day is so hazy, its absolutely fucking crazy.
I should clear the shit out of my head,
And have some beer instead."

So bear got shitfaced on his dirty floor, only to be awakened by knocking on the door.

Grumpy pissy bear gets up, and he looks messed up, cause he slept on his ugly mug when he layed under his rug.

"Who the fuck is knocking on my door?" he roars

"It's me frog, .... I was just sitting on a log, and thought, where oh where, can you fucking be bear, I think it's time we got together as I haven't seen you for like ever and ever."

Bear opens the door and slobers all over frog, he then turns and releases a thunderous fart, that nearly blows frog apart.

"Fuck me" yells frog, "that was a beauty. You nearly blew my fucking head off, like the day you made chilli stroganoff.
How about a stroll in the woods?","then we can be cool like boys n the hoods."

They take off for their stroll and reached the enchanted woods, only to be stopped by a drunk troll, who yells, yo yo yo, take off your hoods.

"I can't see who you are, and not feeling so good, so take off your fucking hoods, or you will taste my spew which is about due.
Whether or not i let you fuckers in, depends on how much beer you can deliver, so i can totally destroy my liver."

"Oh this is your lucky day," says bear "I will give you a gift that is better than beer, i will give you a gift, that will make me and my good friend frog, grin from ear to ear."

In a flash, bear strikes, and bites Troll's head clean off.
Frog goes into a laughing fit
"Fuck off, .. Fuck off.. that shit is mad, oh bear you are so fucking bad, you are the ultimate gangsta, what a prankster!"

After some time they are tired and hungry, so they look for a place to rest.
They find a clearing surrounded by bushes. Bear says,
"This place is best."

Then from the bushes they hear
"Psst, hey fellas, come over here,
come and listen, .....come near.
Don't worry, you won't be sorry.
I have food, which is very very nice, but it does come with a price."

They both crept closer.

Then suddenly!!

Out leapt Big wolf, his fangs glistening in the sunlight, his deep black eyes looking very angry.

Frog got so scared shitless, to see such a sight, so much so, he leapt back in his fright, and smashed his head against a rock.

"Relax now Frog, your acting like a silly cock"
Says Bear, who was now giving him an embarrassing stare.

" You are being a scardy cat, no doubt about that!"

"Hey" said Bear, to the Big Wolf,
"you scared my friend, thats not fucking nice, I have already bitten a head off today, and you are about to pay the same price."

"Whoa, hang on big fella, im sure i can make it better".
"Forgive me for scaring your friend, for that was not my intend.

"That's ok" says Frog, "as long as you don't eat me, cause as you now know, bear might be slow, but will rip your fucking head off."

Big Wolf then held out his huge paw and says,

"You see, I have a big arse splinter in my paw I cant get out.
Its been there for days, and i have tried to get the fucker out, in so many ways."

"I can pull that splinter out for you Big Wolf" says Frog.
"As my fingers are small, and I won't need much more."

Before you knew it, the splinter was out.
Bear got some honey, without any money, and Frog, a bowl full of flies much to his surprise.

They came across a babbling brook, which was home to a really fucked up looking long-necked Chook.

"Hi",waved Chook, "have you lost your way."

"Fuck off" said Bear. "You wierd looking freak, just the look of you makes me sick
"Me and Frog are having an adventurous day. We dont need a crazy bitch like you, getting in our way."

"Well whether you like it or not, I'm going to tell you how it is around here, don't stray too far off the path, make sure you stay near.
They say that in the deep woods, there lives a beast,....a creature so fierce to say the fucking least."

Frog looked up at the Bear with a worried look on his face.
"Cmon Bear lets pick up the pace, We really dont want to meet up with this beast. Lets go back to your place for a feast."

"Don't worry Frog" says Bear
" Im not scared of no fucking creature, ill rip it, and shred it, and turn the cunt into a garden feature.

Let's head back home now, it's going to be dark soon, and we don't want to be out here at night, under the full moon."

In the middle of their path Mr snake slithered past.
"Wow"! said Frog "he moves so fucking fast."
"Yes"said Bear, "lets not stare, I don't think the slimy prick, had on any underwear!"

It was getting dark so they needed to hurry.
Home isn't far now and bear was thinking of eating sausages and curry.

At Bears house they hug and say goodbye.

"Bye bye Bear, you big fucking balooba. I had so much fun, being with you, and next time maybe we try some scuba.

"Yeah whatever" laughs Bear, " that would be a site, we would give the fish a fucking fright all right."

Frog hopped off to his home in the pond and Bear went back to bed, where he slept and slept, and dreamt of a world filled with bear pussy and money, in which he was a pimp swimming in golden honey.