A melting pot of nonsensical stories. Volume I

Potty mouth Tobias and the bubble

Tobias is a cheeky boy squirrel.
He lives in a huge tree in the hot, African jungle.
He sleeps during the day and goes out looking for food, with his family, at night.

He loves living in the jungle, especially when it rains bubblegum.
He would scamper outside,gobble it up, and blow the biggest bubbles.

These last few day, it has been raining licorice flavoured bubblegum, he hates licorice, and anything to do with licorice!

"What the fuck is it with the licorice!!"
He yells at the sky.

"Every fucking day this week, its been fucking licorice!
How about grape, or strawberry, or orange? Cmoooon!"....

His yelling must have been heard, because next minute, he could taste grape,
and that is his favourite.

"About fucking time."

He gobbled up so much, he blew his biggest bubble ever.
It was so big,....he just kept blowing and blowing.
The godamn bubble grew so big, it trapped Tobias inside it !

"Fuck me !! He says.

The bubble picked up Tobias from his branch and floated him high in the sky.

"This is so fucking cool"
he shouted inside his bubble.

He was soon blown over a very big amusement park.

The park had lots of water slides, but instead of water, some lucky fat arse hippopotamus's, were sliding down rivers of milk, into a pool of Oreo biscuits.

"Fat bitches" Tobias screams and starts hysterically laughing.

He could also make out a group of penguins, shooting basketballs at lions, trying to dunk them in barrels of sticky marshmallows.

Tobias chuckled to himself, "Silly stupid fucked up penguins."

There was a massive Ferris wheel that was taking extra long giraffes around and around.

They were so tall their heads were sticking out of the carriages, and some of them had their heads stuck up the arses, of the giraffe's in the carriages above.

"That is so hilarious," he says.

The wind picked up again, and Tobias continued on his journey.

He floated past a huge herd of dolphins grazing in the tree tops, eating leaves while some were lazing in hammocks.
They seemed very happy and gay.
A couple of them noticed him and gave him a flipper wave.

The wind then lifted him up a mountain, where he saw boy gorillas licking ice cream off other boy gorilla's backs, while playing ping pong.
Mind you they were very messy boys.
One of the gorilla's looked up, beat his chest with his fists and flipped Tobias the bird.

Tobias fliped him the bird back with a smile on his face, then poked his tounge out.

As he was lifted above the mountain,
he could see the sky getting darker, with huge grey clouds up ahead. There were bolts of lightning and cracking thunder.

Tobias was frightened and stumbled to the back of the bubble, covering his face with his little mitts.

" Oh, fuck me! that looks scary, " he says in a frightened voice.

The bubble then travelled down the mountain and into the storm.
Tobias was getting knocked around all over the place and was getting very worried.
He put his headphones on, lit a split, and listened to Snoop Dog, to try and calm himself down.

He was going over the Amazon river now and could see dark shapes thrashing around in the river below.

"Oh no!" he shouted out loud.

" Fuck off!...Those are crocodiles!"

" I hope my bubble doesn't burst"

There was thunder and lightning all around him and getting very cold.

Hungry crocodiles started jumping out of the river snapping at his bubble.
They were wearing bibs, and holding knives and forks, ready for their squirrel snack.

"Cmon you little shit, I'm fucking hungry"
Snaps Mr crocodile.

A big gust of wind suddenly swept the bubble into the tree tops...it burst.

Tobias was now tumbling towards the open jaws of a big crocodile

"Holy shit"! He shouted
"What am i to do......aahhhhhhh"

Just as the crocodile was about to enjoy scrumptious squirrel, Tobias was whisked away, so fast, everything was just a blur.

When his eyes recovered he could see he, was sitting on the back, of a multicoloured, beautiful, winged unicorn.

"Hello, my name is Barry, hang on to my mane," he said.
" I will take you safely home"

" Yipee," said Tobias

The phone rang in Tobias's pocket.

"Tobias! Where the fuck are you,? we have been looking everywhere for you.
It's getting dark and a storm is coming" his mother said in a worried voice.

" Are you ok?"

" Yes mummy, I'm on my way home,I'm not far, your not going to beleive the fucking day i just had!"

As Barry the unicorn starts heading down towards his tree, Tobias can see he's family looking up and waving.
He is so happy to be home, and can't wait to grab a beer and tell them all about his adventure.