Another try to love [Kuroko no basuke fanfiction: AkaKuro]

¤Chapter 6: Reality

I turned around to the familiar voice. Only four people call me by my first name. Somehow I knew who would stand in front of me and that let my inner self shiver. I didn't want to meet him at all but a little part of me wanted it nevertheless. I guess I should make up things with him to move on. Also I thought of this situation during my flight to Japan.

What if he would come to one of my speeches and speak with me?

I thought about it many times.

Should I ignore him? No.

Should I just put on a fake smile and speak with him as if nothing had happened? No.

"Akashi. We haven't seen each other for a long time." I responded him while looking into his eyes. They looked as unmatched as ever. The right eye golden and the left one red. Expressive and full of self confidence. I examined him from head to toe. His red hair was as shiny as back then and surely as soft and his figure looked slim and graceful. Without fail he became handsome as time had passed.

"This was really an excellent speech. I never thought that you could speak in front of this huge audience." That's true. I hated to do speak up and my voice always broke, but I got accustomed to it.

"Thank you very much. I learned a lot in America." The atmosphere around us was awkward and heavy. Back in middle school I always enjoyed talking with him, although the last time was not really pleasant, but this conversation was strange. Maybe because we didn't see each other for 10 years or maybe because of all the things that had happened and were untalked.

"You grew quite a few inches." He said with a light smile. My heart jumped slithly. I always adored his smile and smiled back.

"Yes I really grew a bit, but you are also taller." Really what's with this conversation. I don't know what to talk with him.

"Tetsuya. Would you like to go to a restaurant in the evening? I think we should talk about a few things."

I shivered when he said my first name again. It sounded sort of weird but also like a dejavu of a pleasant afterglow. And he was right. We should talk about the unpleasant things of our past even when I didn't want to.

"You're right. Then let's meet at 7 p.m. at Steves'." I looked in his glancing eyes with a light smile on my face and saw him gulping. Looks like this conversation was also not comfortable for him. He nodded.

"See you." He stated, turned around and exited the lecture hall. I could tell that he had a light blush on his face when he walked away or were my eyes playing with me? But never before I saw Akashi blushing.

The time passed quickly while I refreshed myself and changed in more comfortable clothing. I arrived at Steves' a few minutes before 7 p.m. and went in seeing him already sitting at a table. I walked up to him.

"Good evening, Akashi." When he heard my voice he turned his gaze to me and smiled slightly.

"Good evening, Tetsuya." I shivered another time. Tetsuya. It was really a long time since I heard him saying that. Even on our last conversation he didn't say my name. He only stared at me with a pale face as if a ghost would stand in front of him.

I sat down on the opposite side and looked through the menu.

"I already ordered for us." He stated with his demanding voice. I looked up to him.

"When I recall it right you always ordered tai noodles when we ate here. I hope you still like them." I nooded. Notable. Even after 10 years he remembers it. No I am wrong - it's as it always was. He knew every move an other person would do in the future and would remember every little detail and change of a person and I hated him sometimes for this ability but praised him at the same time for it.

"Thank you, Akashi. And you ordered tofu soup?" Now he nooded.

"Of course I did. At Stevens' you get the best one." Surely he would eat tofu soup. Basically he only cooked tofu soup for every dinner when I stayed over at his place in middle school and I knew he would still love it. Well I guess when you have a obsession with something it won't change throughout the years.

Then a silence hung around us. None of us had an idea what to say to the other one. I wanted to ask him many things, but was it right to ask after this long time? Maybe he don't want to talk about the past and just become friends again, but somehow he looked as if he want to ask me something too. The Akashi I knew would never look out the window when eating with a person. Also he had light dark circles under his eyes. Is he sleeping enough? I know from myself that I don't.

"And what did you do after high school?" I asked him to break this dense atmosphere.

"I went to university, studied business management and took over my father's business 2 years ago." Sounds like everything planned was achieved. Of course. I smiled slightly at him.

"Not bad. Looks like you really did what you wanted to do in middle school." He smiled slightly back at me.

"Surely. And you went to America to study psychology? I never thought you would be interested in something like that." Yes, that's true. I also thought that at first but when I couldn't get over you, I had to know why, but even now, when I know why and how, I just can't forget you. Strange right?

"Yes, it was a sudden decision but it was worth it. So you talked with Kagami?" Okay. Now I said it.

"Yes, I went to Seirin high on the last school day but you weren't there anymore and they told me that you would study in America. Also I got the letter from Kagami." Akashi grabbed into his pocket and put out the letter from the past. My eyes widened. He had kept my letter. But the paper didn't look 'fresh' anymore. It looked as if it was folded and unfolded hundreds of times.

"You still have it?" I stammered. I never thought he would retain it. I thought if anything he would read it once and then throw it away, but I was wrong.

"Of course I have it. It was the last thing I got from you before I lost you completely." Now I gulped. Lost me? But he didn't want me to begin with.

"I am sorry Tetsuya." My mouth opened in astonishment. What did I hear right now? Akashi apologised. Apologised to me?!!

"Eh?" I stammered and looked with unbelieving eyes at him. His look was sad and his eyes looked down to the side. What happened with Akashi in the past ten years? Never, in no case the Akashi I knew would have said these words.

"I should have treated you better back then. I was too little and naive to think about what you really meant to me." Now he looked into my eyes. I closed my mouth and blinked. Was this a dream? A strange dream of my mind?

"I didn't know that words could damage that much. I know that I am asking much but can you forgive me?" I really couldn't believe what I heard right now. Was this reality? Was this my reality? Was this the Akashi I knew? He looked kinda broken. Not a tiny little bit of his usual self confidence was there. Truly spoken he looked like a big emotional mess.

"I-I don't know what to say right now." I uttered. Really my mind was in complete chaos.

"I know what you said is true but you know that you hurt me like no one else before even though I trusted you. You were the sun in my life that shone upon everything but then you destroyed every little smile, every happiness with just a few words. I don't know if I can forgive you." I looked back into his eyes and they looked stiff at my lips. They followed every word I spoke and got with every word more expressionless.

"I thank you very much for your apology. I'll think about it because you meant a lot to me." I put my hand on his unmoving hand and smiled slithly at him. His hand was as cold as ice and he shivered when I touched his skin. Again we looked each other in the eyes.

Was my sentence right?

Isn't there more than just the past for us?

What does he mean to me now?

Back then I hated him, but seeing him like this lets my heart arche. And when I am looking into his eyes I feel something inside me. It's not strong but it feels homely. As if a burned down fire gets lighted up again.