Warning: *references to self harm, sadness, physical/sexual abuse. Do not read if this will trigger you in anyway.* thank you for understanding kitty girls.....
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James looked at himself, he didn't look well. How could his boyfriend do this to him? James stood in front of a mirror, seeing the bruises and scratches on his neck. There was a huge scratch following from his eye to start of his jawline. It made it look like he was crying even though he actually was crying. It was big and red.
James felt filthy, dirty. He wanted to scratch every part of his body until it felt raw like the day he was born. His now ex-boyfriend, Jacob, sexually and physically abused James until he was broken inside and out. He practically raped James last night before punching him and kicking him and leaving him. James didn't know how to react but now he knew how. To cry and wonder to himself, was he gonna be worth anything to anyone?
That was when his phone started to ring, it was Emma. He accepted the call but didn't have the energy to say anything. "HEY KITTY GIRL!!! Where r u?? Did you forget that we r filming today??" James got up, "um I'll be right over." He ended the call before frowning to himself. How was he gonna cover all of this up? Makeup? Especially that huge scratch on his face. He decided makeup was the only route he could take right now.
In about twenty minutes, James was driving to the Dolan twins house. He tried to breath in and out, slowly starting to feel the anxiety disappear. He parked his Tesla and walked up to the house. Grayson opened the door with his beautiful smile that made James feel butterflies in his stomach. Grayson reached out to hug James but he slowly moved away. Grayson frowned, James always hugged him. "James what's wrong?" Concern filled his voice, what happened?
James just smiled, "I-I'm just sick. I don't want to get you sick." yeah, sick with my anxiety and sadness. Grayson just nodded and followed James inside. James felt trapped inside the house all of a sudden, he was breathing but anxiety was coming back to him. Emma and Ethan came over to hug him, but once again James dodged them. Giving them the same excuse that he gave Grayson.
Once the camera turned on, it was all fake. Fake smile, fake laugh, fake sass towards the rest of the sister squad. Once they finished filming, Ethan said that they should all sleepover but that was the opposite of what James wanted right now. He didn't want to be near anyone right now, if someone touched him, he would immediately have a panic attack. "Actually I'm gonna go home. Like I said I'm not feeling well so I'm gonna go home now." He wanted to go home, take a shower to wash off every part of his body and sleep with tears in his eyes.
Before anyone could say anything, James was already out the door. Ignoring the responses to what he said and leaving. But while he was driving, James felt sick. He pulled over and that's when he opened his car door and vomited. He collapsed to the ground, tears coming down his face as he laid on the side of the road.
Once he felt better, James continued to drive. Once he got to his house, he ran upstairs and closed the door. He could feel his phone vibrating, he looked at the caller ID, it was Grayson. "James? James are you ok?" having someone ask him that was far from what he wanted. James wanted someone to hold him and tell him everything is ok.
"Yeah, like I said, I'm just not feeling well. I'll probably be fine tomorrow." The lies dripped from his tongue as James said it. He knew only one person could see through them. "Then why did you vomit on the side of the road? James talk to me." James froze, was Grayson following him? Did he worry about James?
"What do you mean?" James already knew that Grayson wasn't going to believe that for one second.
"James let me in. I wanna be here for you." James wanted to cry hearing those words, why was it that Grayson always knew what to say? Was it magic? Senses? Or just knowing James for a long time? James walked down the stairs in his house and opened the door to see Grayson there. Grayson looked at James, worried and confused. That's when James knew he could let his guard down. He fell to the floor, sobs racking his body as Grayson dropped to floor next to James.
He felt arms lift him up and take him upstairs. Grayson laid James on his bed and got makeup wipes. Grayson was worried. Slowly but surely, Grayson started to see the bruises on James' neck, the scratch across his face. The bruises and scratches on his wrists. Everything, James felt almost naked. Grayson touched his face, looking at him, "James who did this to you?" He sounded and felt angry but Grayson didn't want to show it.
James covered himself, sobs coming through, "he abused me. Used me. He didn't even love me." Grayson realized who he was talking about and grew angry. "James? Did he, did he rape you?" James only nodded, shielding himself from Grayson. Grayson pulled James closer, hugging him. "Oh James. If only I was there. You don't deserve this. None of this. He doesn't love you like I do." James nuzzled his head into Grayson's neck. They fit perfectly some how.
Grayson hated to see James this way, what his ex-boyfriend did meant that James wouldn't let anyone physically touch him for a while. Mentally, only Grayson could imagine that James' mental health was absolutely unstable. "James, I'm gonna clean you up." Lifting James, he took James to the bathroom. He put James near the sink and started the shower.
Lifting James slowly into the shower, Grayson grabbed the soap and started to softly wash James. He didn't want to touch James in any intimate way unless James wanted him to. Grayson washed his hair and slowly washed it out. Once James was washed, he lifted James again, and slowly wrapped him in a towel. Grayson hugged James from behind, with the towel, he thought that it would be safer at least for James.
Once they both changed, James lay across Grayson's chest. Tears slowly coming across his fresh clean face. "James look at me. Baby please?" James looked towards him, the tears made Grayson's heart break. "What he did is his fault not yours. He'll never love you like I do." James only looked at him, a ghost of a smile across his face. He really is broken.
"I'm damaged goods now. I'm just a broken sad boi now who will never think the world will end."
Comment if I should write a sequel or not. Thanks kitty girls. Since the book is finally not on hold anymore. YAYY
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Jayson one shots
Fanfiction'Grayson was sitting in his room, fiddling with a blue velvet box. He was nervous, when James came home, but he was ready to ask.' #7 Jayson (January 5, 2019)
