Dear Almost (W., #1)

Page 4 - I miss you

Dear Almost,

I got sick because of the drastic change in weather each day. Idagdag pa ang paperworks na pinapatapos ng boss ko. Hindi tuloy ako nakapunta sa paborito kong cafe nang halos tatlong linggo.

Ngayon lang ulit.

These past few weeks, seeing you was an eye-opener. I realized the feelings I had for you and why it hurt when we suddenly lost that connection. You were the first person who saw me for what I am. The one who cared and listened. You made me laugh. You made my heart flutter.

They didn't know about us. We were each other's secret, and I liked that kind of thrill, but it turned out it was just a short-lived happiness.

I miss you. I really do. But missing you in this kind of situation would just cause unnecessary trouble.

Gusto ko nang makalaya sa nararamdaman ko sa'yo. Gusto ko nang makahinga nang maluwag kapag nakikita kita. These unfamiliar and unsaid feelings were slowly eating me and I don't want to lose myself because of someone.

I guess being a coward also has its limits.

Tumayo muna ako para um-order dahil nalulunod na naman ako sa alaala mo. I was about to tell my order when the barista suddenly called my name.

"One caramel macchiato and chocolate cheesecake," he smiled while looking at me.

"Uhm, are you sure? Hindi pa ako umo-order," tanong ko naman sa kanya.

"Someone already ordered for you, Ma'am," sagot niya.

"Who . . ."

Napatingin ako sa buong cafe, hoping that I'd see you there, but you weren't. A subtle smile appeared on my face and it made me realize that leaving a little hope inside me would hurt me more. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at inabot ang in-order sa akin ng kung sino pero nang makita ko ang lid ng cup ay napatigil ako.

To Miss,

:)

My lips curved upward when I saw that smiling face. Maybe it was what I needed this time. Somehow, I felt like something heavy had been lifted off me.

"Thanks," I muttered while looking at his message.

Pumunta naman ako sa isang bakanteng table at hinanap ko ang lalaking 'yon pero wala rin siya sa cafe. I wonder how he knew that I would be here. It seemed like he was also a regular here.

Napatingin naman ako sa pinto nang bumukas 'yon at muntik ko nang mabitiwan ang kape ko nang makita kita.

You were alone.

As you walked toward the cashier, you turned your head to my direction and that was the time I hoped I wasn't looking.

But our eyes met each other.

My heart thumped painfully. I wanted to avert your gaze but I couldn't. You did the same.

For a few seconds, it felt like everything had faded away.

It was just silence.

It was just us.

You nodded your head at me after that and I nodded at you, too. Pagkatapos no'n ay dumiretso ka na para um-order, habang ako ay napaupo na lang sa upuan sa harapan ko.

My knees felt weak. I didn't know what to do. But it seemed like you would just pretend you didn't see me. That would be expected. Wala naman na ako sa buhay mo. Hindi mo na ako kailangang makita.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at inilabas ang laptop ko para mag-ayos ng files at magsulat ng report.

I was in the middle of browsing the report I had written last night when someone suddenly put a cup in front of me. For a second, I thought it was the same guy who ordered for me but my heart sank when I saw your familiar face in front of me.

"Hello . . ." you greeted and that moment, the feelings that I buried deep in my heart started to resurface.

This time, I couldn't run away anymore.

Scared and scarred,

W.

***