Dear Almost (W., #1)

Page 2 - I'm afraid

Dear Almost,

Pansin ko lang, paborito n'yo rin siguro ang café na 'to. It seems like you get happier every time I see you here. I'm glad that I could see you smile again.

"Free ka ba sa Saturday?" biglang tanong mo sa kanya.

"Hmm, I think? Bakit?"

"I heard about this cool place in—"

"Then, is it a date?"

That was the first time I saw you blush. Your cheeks and ears were red and it got worse when she laughed at you. She told you, you were cute, and I had to agree.

So you're really in love with her, huh?

I already told myself a hundred times that I should let go of these residual feelings, but there was still a little hope at the corner of my heart, hoping that the universe would favor me. But in the end, I only fell deeper in the chasm of melancholy.

The coffee I ordered was hot. It should be enough of an excuse as to why my eyes were welling up with tears.

You made me cry again.

"Miss? Sorry, pwedeng maki-share ng table?"

Suddenly, a guy appeared in front of me, blocking you from my view. Tumango naman ako dahil kaunti na lang ang bakanteng lamesa sa café. I wiped my tears and continued drinking my coffee.

Narinig na naman kitang tumatawa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero habang tumatawa ka ay lalo naman akong nalulungkot. It felt unfair and I felt guilty.

Isang taon at dalawang linggo na ang lumipas nang huli tayong mag-usap. I was doing fine during that time. Company projects and gradschool made me busy so I didn't have any time to ponder about us. But you suddenly appeared in my favorite café with the woman you're in love with and now you're disturbing my inner peace again. You were messing with my feelings again.

I was about to leave but the guy I was sharing table with accidentally elbowed the saucer and it fell on the floor in shattered pieces. That caught the attention of customers nearby . . . including you.

Agad akong yumuko at tinago ko ang mukha ko sa laptop ko. I was afraid that you would see me here. I was afraid to see your expression. I was afraid . . .

. . . to face the present you.

"Miss, so—"

The guy who broke the plate must have seen me crying. When I learned about her a year ago, I just cried for three to four seconds. However, the pain I tried to quell and push at the back of my mind for a long time began to ripple. I wanted to hold back my tears, but I couldn't stop them this time.

Devastated,

W.

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