oh matt
its been a while since we last saw you!
youve been a mess since tord left, its so, so obvious. you have no idea.
your blood stains your bedsheets along with your tears.
how long has it been since he left you? about a month now?
hah... you remember it so clearly!
FLAAAASSHBAACCKKK
you wake up the day after you got engaged.
you dont feel or see tord beside you but thats okay, hes probably just.... up making breakfast or something. nothing to worry about.
you get up and search around the house hes- nowhere to be found...
um....
ok? hes probably getting groceries.
you wait for him... all day.
he doesnt come back.
you cannot describe your amount of worry- its off the charts.
this continues for weeks on end. hes not back.
its been a month since hes left.
you cope by your usual, chopping up your skin and saying everythings ok.
edd and tom are worried but this is not about them.
how are you going to survive like this? youve depended on him for so so long- maybe he left because he hates you.
maybe its because hes disgusted by you- maybe he never liked you in the first place.
maybe youre too much of a sleaze.
maybe-
why did he leave you?
why did he do this?
no warning, no note,
just... vanished....
where are you tord?
away?
hes not fucking here thats for sure.
was he even here in the first place? at all?
tord. please.
was he a dream? a phantom? a hallucination???
you always told yourself you need to love yourself before you love anyone else.
you should've stood by that.
you shouldve fucking learned.
you basically set yourself up for heartbreak and even so- you knew this would happen!!
you knew he would leave you!
you knew he hated you!
why did you think you had a chance?
whats the point of it?
did he even care?
was he using you?
was he using you ????
you form a newfound hatred.
a hatred nothing could ever fill.
a hatred for the man you once loved.
adored.
held.
kissed.
cried about.
hurt yourself over.
you cant let this be the end.
you cant let this take you over.
its not worth it.
this isnt fucking worth it!
are you even engaged anymore?
fuck him.
fuck him and everything he cares about.
fuck you tord.
"i hate you."
YOU ARE READING
rose epidemic
Mystery / Thrillertordmatt. i made this because dear starboy got taken down. and the memory of reading it haunts me. that story really shifted something in my fucking brain. it made me want to die. it taught me to never get my hopes up. i still struggle with it today...
