When the day comes that I will dread the most, well the second day. How do I face it... is there a way. It's not like I can avoid it. Time always keeps going. It's hard to face the truth... Hard to face real life. I have a mom. well easy to say everyone does. I say (had) a mom. She's dead... ik sounds harsh i get it. It's something that holds me back... That's my weak spot. My mom (was) an amazing person but sadly, she's gone... I have to tell myself she would've wanted better for me. with her last few years of life, they were horrible. I won't lie and say shit was easy for her. it wasn't and if someone tells me she's in a better place... They're right. I hate to admit it but it's true. She (hopefully) is much happier. Nobody knows where you go. In my opinion, she's here. Her spirit is here and for rest, she goes back to her (sanctuary) in other words the place she was put. Where her ashes were put.
she is happy there. I believe she watches me. In a way, she has the power to guide me. Whether it is grabbing my attention from a dumb decision. Which don't always work? She has a lot of people to see. To watch over. Sunday... one day that makes my heart hurt. I mean the kind of hurt that feels like a stab, a constant pain that always lingers, no matter how long you try to avoid it it's there. it fucking sucks. At the same time, it's life. It's the hard ass ways of life. I'm glad I wasn't raised sheltered. For that, I give my mom a round of applause. She was awesome. Flat out awesome. Didn't raise me to be a spoiled little shit. An unacknowledged stuck up scared of life brat. I understand death is a real thing. When it hits you at a young age. It's harder for you to process it. you understand, but not in the fullest. I had the news handed to me at 14. I was heartbroken. As any child would
Be knowing their lifeline is gone. The person who (most) of the time raises and cares for. nurtures and creates a bond that nobody can break. when you feel all hope is lost you had someone to turn too. A mom is a superhero the saviour of all the lives decisions in their children's life. until they're old enough to make their own. I started making my own when I was 12 years old. I had to grow up early in a sense. Can't lie it was a challenge at times. I have two younger sisters also. They were the ones I played (mom) for. Things could've ended up differently. Yet im glad they ended up this way. Yes, there will be times where I have my ups and downs. I think about it as, shes no longer in pain, No longer suffering. Her mind was taken over by a cloud of darkness. She's gone now. Better than shes ever been. She's in a much better place. I hope so.
And for this we celebrated. We visited where shes rested. We love and (most) of us miss her. There were a lot of old memories that were brought up to make me stop and realize. She is now happy. She's watching over every single one of us. That's what she's doing all day and all night. It's her job. She secures every one she loves. For that, I say Happy birthday mom... your now 35 years old. Time doesn't stop you're no longer here. It only keeps going. I hope you the best of wishes. I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Hopefully, you will help lead me in a better path when I feel my life has gone south. I miss you, and I love you. And I always will.
