Have you ever felt like the burden? on your family.. friends, or the slacker, as if you don't wanna try, or care. You wanna lay down in a room by your self-think of everything you did and try to think of what u can do to make it right? don't worry I know damn well you're not alone. so if u think nobody will listen, your wrong... you might feel like that as your debating whether to take your life, end it all... stare at the bottle of pills and debate leaving everyone who so-called doesn't care about you, doesn't understand you.. doesn't take time to sit there for even 5 minutes to give you the time of day...
Been there, by all means, you are allowed to think your worthless but to no extent does it mean its right you can tell yourself... I'm worthless; stupid; fat; dumb; like a legit and utter complete piece of shit. it's not true everyone has a purpose, even if you can't seem to find out just yet. Nobody is here for no apparent reason, there is someone out there who someday will make you feel like the best you've been... someone to tell your secrets. come on, we all have at least one, its ok to have more than one, shit, by all means, i... still to this day have secrets. they're ok to have. but it's not ok to dwell on the small stuff let your head turn it into bigger things than it was it was meant to be...
Let me guess nobody cares about me. I get bullied, I have an escape, my secret. you think its the only way out... don't worry. I do too, I mean come on who doesn't wanna be happy, worry-free but, you feel like your trapped. you have a mouth but feel like it can't process words... it sucks you keep your guard up at all times not wanting to be hurt... again. am I wrong? I'm not saying this because I wanna hear myself talk, its because I understand how it feels. Can't let anyone in, anxious in public, don't want people to come to close, don't tell people how you feel... You know, when u physically cannot function all you think about is all the shit you did wrong? it is ok to think its how us human's life and continue to strive, we think sometimes not the most logical or rational option but I mean we all do at a time or two. no body's perfect, we all have something whether it's an eating disorder, a boyfriend, or girlfriend, worried about someone finding out a secret, oh so many things too many to list. It's all about... How you deal with all the thoughts. here's a question how do u? Now really think about this right now there's no reason to lie. So, are you looking at your sleeve, your legs your stomach, or at the mirror seeing someone u wish wasn't you, or are you keeping your guard up? If you are, which I know some will... I get it.
But come on, isn't it exhausting! Always having to be someone your not, or are you the one who really does be the true you and don't give a shit about what someone's gotta say, If so. Perks to you because it's hard... especially if you feel like someone will judge you, hit you, or ignore you, laugh at you, or call you out. in that case.. you like me If so you know its stressful asf. always making people laugh and inside knowing this isn't really you or how you feel. Are you, bad under pressure? or do u completely isolate yourself from everyone and everything that can physically talk back and say something that they can hold against you... isn't it the worst when you feel.. so trapped. as if you're in a clear box nobody can see through it, your invisible... you can yell, cry, curse at the world because you think it did you wrong. u see others and see them happy, laughing, dancing, talking. something some of you might find impossible... You stopped trying, stopped caring, eating, sleeping, you need something... u need to feel something to remind yourself your human, let yourself know you're not numb to everything. So, you give yourself pain.
Come on, you know what im talking about when you feel as if nobody's listening, nobody cares, as if your voice is coming out to a whisper. you try so hard, eventually, you stop trying. You've given up.. one day you get a wild idea, one I know everyone who is probably reading knows that temptation to feel something is without a doubt better than feeling lost, empty. Whether its a piece of broken glass, a sharp piece of aluminium, or you old classic blade, from a pencil sharpener, maybe from a tool.. got one from school.... it looks so easy, its something new, so why not try it. I said that too... its ok one-time won't kill me. You feel the rush, the liquid seeps through your skin, a feeling you need makes you feel a sense of relief. A so-called escape from everything, letting all the worries go. One time wasn't good enough was it, no I guarantee It feels like a morning or evening ritual.. maybe its once a week, once a month. if you did keep your word and say one time was good enough. good for you, honestly.
If it's been an ongoing thing which for most I would assume, its become normal, or a habit. at this point you see nothing wrong with it, yet if there's nothing wrong why keep it a secret. Well, because deep down you know it is. Do you ever hear someone talk about it as a call for help, or just doing for attention? I know that's not true well, ok for some it is, but I know not all of u do it for attention, you'd show people post it on social media hoping someone said something. No, some people are so clueless. But let me tell u its, not the right way to deal with your stress, anxiety, depression, bipolar, hallucinations. As some say its a temporary fix. I know eventually, hopefully, you will find someone you can talk to I mean, writing is an option but it doesn't really work for some, I suggest. Reading a book, holding an ice cube, or writing everything you don't like about yourself.. perhaps something at school, something you struggled with, or even your feelings, think about it all... Hold up that paper and as you rip it feel the satisfaction and all the hatred, fear, anxiety tear away and let yourself let go of it all. I know I know it sounds dumb as shit, but it worked. first, try this hopefully it works for someone... its all you can do right? Hope...
