Can't Stop Me From Loving You // Mullette

Three Memories

T/W: Mentions of self harm in the next few chapters. Guys, please never self harm. I know from experience that it's really bad for you, both mentally and physically.

LAFAYETTE'S POV

I had called him "mon ami." I wasn't sure why. I didn't remember much of last night but I vaguely remembered three things.

1. Hercules had punched Jefferson.

2. He had punched Jefferson because.... he had told everyone I was born a woman

3. I had kissed Hercules.

The last one made my heart race, but I knew I needed to forget about that kiss. It was a drunk kiss, just like I was drunk when Thomas had...

No! I needed to stop thinking about him, but he consumed the half of my thoughts that weren't consumed by Hercules. His taunts haunted me every day, and made me hate myself.  It was what had made me nearly--- But then I had met Hercules. 

Hercules had changed my life, and had kept me from doing bad things to myself. And I loved him for that. Wait... what? I love this man?

HERCULES' POV

It was Saturday, luckily, so we lounged around all day trying to get rid of our hangovers.

I was sitting on the counter as usual while Laff made us lunch when he suddenly said, "Are we going to talk about it, mon ami?" 

I straightened up (hah not actually though he's too pan) and looked at him in surprise. He turned away from where he was cutting  up fruit for a fruit salad.

"Do you remember kissing last night?" He asked, I was surprised he had been so straightforward.

"N- Yes." I said, feeling uncomfortable. "But, we were both drunk. We can just stay friends, it's fine." I rushed through the sentence, not wanting to say it but feeling like I had to.

I was probably imagining it, but Laff looked... disappointed. 

"So, to be clear, there were no feelings in the kiss?" He asked in an odd tone, his eyebrow arched.

"N-no." I responded sadly, partially wanting to tell him the truth.

He didn't respond, and simply turned back around. He didn't go back to cutting though, and then he excused himself to go to the bathroom. My heart began beating quickly. Was he sad that I had said I didn't feel anything for him? No... he couldn't like me. He was a tall, good looking man that could have almost any guy he wanted. Why would he like me, an average-looking  and very awkward fashion designer? 

LAFAYETTE'S POV

When Hercules said there were no feelings in the kiss, I had turned away to hide the tears. I was so sure he liked me, I'm not sure why I was so sure now. I just thought he wouldn't have kissed me if he didn't... 

I couldn't hold in my tears anymore. I ran to the bathroom and began sobbing. 

He didn't like me. He never would. All I wanted to do was kiss him, so much it was making my heart ache. But he didn't feel the same way, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

And he was still an amazing friend, I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of that. But hearing him say outright that he didn't like me made me angry. Not at him, but at myself. Suddenly I found myself wishing I had the knife that I left in the kitchen with me. I kept crying until I heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Laff, can I come in?" I heard Hercules ask softly.

I choked back a sob. "I'm-- um-- busy, Hercules."