The Secrets of Cedar Creek

3 : Baby Powder

           

Driving to school together in Cliff's seven seater shouldn't have been so difficult. May and Cliff in the front, Jackson, Avalon and Sylv in the middle, and me and Paige in the back. Wait...

"Paige? How are you here?"

But she is. She's right in front of me. She looks like a golden angel.

"Why did this happen to me?" she says in a quiet voice, sorrowful.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I reach out to her but can't grasp her.

"Why did you kiss my boyfriend?"

"What?"

"I can see everything from up here."

Her face twists and contorts into something evil. "I SEE EVERYTHING!"

I wake up screaming and panting. Avalon rushes into my room. "Rose, it's ok, it's ok." She sits next to me, plays with my hair and holds my hands. "It's ok. Did you have a terror?"

"It was a nightmare."

This isn't the first time I've woken up screaming. Chronic night terrors are a blast. Avalon's had to endure quite a few with me.

"I'm sorry for waking you," I say quietly.

"It's ok babe, I wasn't asleep."

"Ew," I remember that she's been getting jiggy with Jackson and I almost gag. Looking over at the clock I see that I was only asleep for an hour, and there's still ages before we have to go to school. "I don't understand why you bother with him."

"I need practice for Mr. Right!"

"Why can't you practice with someone less... Jackson. Plus, you know he still loves you and that's just going to be super awkward when he starts begging for you back again."

"He knows it's just for fun."

"He's delusional," I say bluntly.

"Do you need me to sleep in here with you?" she changes the subject.

"Maybe after you shower."

She laughs and shakes her head.

"Go back to Jackson, I'll be ok."

"Alright," she hugs me again and kisses me on the forehead, "night."

"Night."

.

.

.

The morning takes its bloody time approaching. The sun creeps in through my window, brighter since it's reflecting off the snow.

I drag myself out of bed into the shower. I reach for my soap and spot a bottle of shampoo that Paige left here. I refuse to cry, instead, I grab the shampoo and put a decent portion into my palms and scrub it into my scalp.

I step out of the shower smelling like her. She smelt like a baby, like smooth, soft skin and baby powder.

I replay the nightmare in my head and guilt swims through me. Why didn't I tell her? Why didn't I have the gall to tell her what was happening behind her back? Yes, it would have hurt her, but does that make it right to lie to her?

I think about Sylv. We grew up together. My uncle and auntie are really close with his parents, so we often spent time together as kids. We weren't really that close, but we talked a lot. There was always some sort of tension between us, especially as we got older. But nothing had ever happened. Two summers ago, I was broken. He was there and he put me back together. One thing led to another and we hooked up.

Then school started, and a lot changed for me and I couldn't handle it. I exploded one day and told him I couldn't do it anymore. We broke it off. Up until last year, we hadn't spoken.  

One day Paige told me she liked a boy that went to Boullevard that's transferring to our school next semester. I had no idea it was Sylv.

When she introduced us at a party, we acted like we didn't know each other. He became part of our group and we started talking again like we used to.

Paige was in love with him, but after a few months, he told me he wasn't so sure of her. He said he didn't feel the same about her. He loved her, but not in that way. One night, they got into a big fight and broke up. He called me and said he needed someone to talk to. I didn't expect it when he told me they were over.

We were sitting in his old cubby house drinking, like we used to when our families would get together. It felt like old times. The cubby house was small so we usually hung out on its mini veranda and draped our legs over the railing. It was up in the trees which gave us a beautiful view of Cedar Forest. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I love the smell of the trees, the bark and the grass. The soft wind picks up and caresses my cheeks, cool and crisp. Sylv beside me is warm, he radiates warmth: safety. He laughs his warm laugh and takes another swig of beer. "Kath made Helen laugh so much she pissed herself – and it was one of those curved seats so the piss was just sitting there like a little pool. And what's worse is that when the bell rang, they left the class and the piss without saying a word!"

Imagining his Mum and my Auntie like this when they were at school – with a bit of alcohol in my system – was enough to make me wheeze with laughter. "That's so nasty! Imagine the poor cleaning ladies when they found it," I squeal.

We laugh hysterically. The crack of thunder jolts us both upright.

"Shit, that's a deece storm coming."

And suddenly it's raining. I watch as a thick curtain of rain approaches us, only to realise that it's hail. Sylv and I jump to our feet and climb down the ladder, running to the farm house across from us. He pulls my arm and we clumsily make our way over.

By the time we make it, we're both panting and soaked to the bone. I look down and see that my dress is see-through – sh*t. He glances over me slowly.

I remember the rest in waves. The heavy sound of the rain drumming on the roof. His hands cupping my face. The smell of wet grass. My dress on the hay. His lips...

As I step out of the shower and drape the towel around me, Sylv steps into the room. "Oops, sorry-" He pauses midthought, lingering at the doorway. "What the f*ck?" he moves towards me and grabs my wrist to pull me closer. "Why do you smell like her?"

"I used her shampoo, back off." I look up at him, his expression is different from last night, different from the gentle, longing stare. He's angry: he's fuelled by instinct. 

He grits his teeth. "And about last night, I didn't mean anything. I just had too much to drink."

"Let go of me," I pull my hand from his grasp and adjust my towel. "Why are you even here?"

He leans forward, pushing me against the bathroom counter. I feel his warmth against me. He reaches an arm behind me, eyes not lifting off mine. "Getting my toothbrush, don't flatter yourself." He steps off, eyeing me up and down once more before trudging off and slamming the door.