The Secrets of Cedar Creek

32 : Sweat and Tears

so heres an early update coz the last chapter was so short! sorry guys, i hope you like this chapter. :) please vote and comment!

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The next morning I still can't find the strength to go to school, to face Sylv. I just can't. I toss and turn in bed for hours, drifting in and out of sleep. The sunlight is soft against my cheek. Winter sun. Weak. As weak as I feel right now.

I finally find the energy to get out of bed and make myself breakfast. I usually hate waking to an empty house, but now it's a blessing. I don't think I have the mental energy to fake being ok right now for my family. It's too early.

I spot some toastable waffles in the fridge and chuck them into the toaster. The smell of frosted sugar and cinnamon wafts through the room. I lean on the counter and look out the window as I wait. To my surprise, I notice the neighbours have a new puppy running around their back yard.

I walk onto the back porch to get a better look. From here I see it's a beagle. Reaching on my tip toes, I check to see if the neighbours cars are in their driveway. They're not. I contemplate jumping the fence to play with the new puppy. As I plan the best approach to mount the fence, the toaster timer goes off.

Another time, I think to myself.

I eat my waffles in silence. I turn on the tv and watch Teen Titans Go because I need something stupid and simple to distract me. When there's no boys to be hurt by, comedy is my second bet.

The afternoon rolls around slowly and I decide to go to Belle's early. Hopefully Tom is there and we can learn the new Blackpink dance very shamefully.

I take the moped to Belle's. The ride is serene. I look across the forests from the mountain top. Mt. Fallows. Cedar Creek. Home.

The snow on the top of the tree's melts. The road is slippery. It takes a moment to remember that it's almost Spring. I'm happy to stop wearing such heavy jumpers, and for volleyball season to start.

I make it to Belle's too quickly, enjoying the almost peaceful ride. But I remind myself that Belle's is another place of peace for me. A place where I can focus on the blessings I have for a little bit. A place where I can stop mulling over every single conversation with Adrian, and every single minute with Sylv, and every day that Paige should have been here.

Tom greets me at the door. "Greetings, homie," he says boyishly.

"Is that you're boyfriend you're about to introduce me to?" I say, nodding to the man in the shop.

"No, stupid. New customer. Father's funeral - wants flowers that are out of season and we can't order them in such late notice. Help me out, goose."

I've always been better dealing with people than Tom has. Not because I'm particularly good with people – because I'm not. In fact, I'm possibly one of the least sociable people you would ever meet. And that's saying something about Tom.

We work with the new customer for an hour, helping him with his order and making phone calls and arrangements. He seems satisfied when he leaves and Tom gives me an enthusiastic high five.

"You look skinnier," Tom says, eyeing me up and down. "And not in the good way."

"I know," I grumble, looking down at my shrinking boobs. Once, a full cup – now, a like a pear. Sagging and deflated. I feel self-conscious for a moment, but it's just Tom. He's a brother to me.

"Well, silly goose, why don't you just eat some more ice-cream at night and then you're all goods. You're not anorexic, are you?"

"No, Tom," then I remember Jackson being bulimic. I still haven't spoken to Avalon.