The Secrets of Cedar Creek

29 : Crashes and Burns

Another monotonous day of school. Yay.

"Something really weird happened with Adrian last night," I say to Avalon.

"Go on," Avalon urges, turning to me and leaning on her locker door.

"Well, I just dropped through to talk to him... and he was completely drunk. He started going on about how his parents died and how my parents died and then he said he notices me and said all this sh*t about who I am and..."

"Wait – he was drunk and you were alone with him. Rose."

"He's only like five or six years older than me and he's not my teacher so don't give me that look. And we don't see each other like that."

"Are you letting yourself get sucked into the same hole?"

"No..." I purse my lips into a thin line. "Plus, I'm not interested in him like that, as I already said."

"Really? Because you've been drooling since you said the word 'Adrian'. First name basis now I see... tehe – I'm just kidding. I totally support it, I mean he's hot as f*ck."

"Ok, tone it down a bit. Like I said – not interested."

"Three times now, yes. Suit yourself. Who are you going with to winter formal then?"

"I... I don't know."

"Jackson asked me last week."

"Ew."

"He also asked me to be his girlfriend."

"What?!" I slam my locker door shut. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

She tells me the story while I hold back my gag. I can't explain why I've never liked the two of them together. I like to pretend I forgot the pushing-into-the-lake incident. But I never have.

"Would it be weird if I went with Sylv?" I blurt out. F*ck. Why would I say that?

"No, I think that would be nice. I think that a couple of girls want him though. I don't think he's ready though, after Paige... you know? He seems unavailable."

"Yeah," I mutter. "But that wouldn't be weird? If I... went with him as my date?"

"Why not? May and Cliff are going together and they're just friends."

"We all know there's something going on between them even though they're both dating other people."

"Don't say such things," Avalon laughs. But it's true, we all know somethings sus about them.

I wonder if they think that about me and Sylv...

.

.

.

I go home and take the hottest shower physically possible. The cold is really getting to me this winter. My runny nose hasn't gone away and my every part of me aches. But I won't bother wasting medicine on myself.

As the hot water runs over me, I can't help but thinking back to Adrian shirtless on the counter. I try to push the thoughts away – but then anxiety about winter formal creeps in so I welcome back the shirtless Adrian daydream.

My head is clear when I get out of the shower and I decide it's a perfect time to study... Paige's diary. As if you thought I was going to study for my exams. Pft – procrastination is my middle name.

I decide to skip the middle of the book and work backwards from her death for a change.

Dear Diary - one day before.

Tomorrow we are making a road trip to Twilight falls. The heat has been unforgiving. All of us – including myself (whom is the palest of creatures) have developed tans and are craving a swim to swat off the heat.

Results for all our exams will be back next week. I'm so nervous, even though Avalon and Rose tell me there's nothing to worry about. I don't see how they are so trusting in my abilities. I'm still hoping to become a doctor when I leave school, so I really need these good grades.

I grit my teeth and force myself to keep reading.

Dear Diary – one week before.

I've been quite sad this week. At May's house party, I accidentally walked in on Jackson in the bathroom. He was very sick – except he hadn't been drinking. When I asked him what's wrong, he admitted to throwing up to lose weight. I've never approached someone with bulimia before so I had no idea what to say or what to do. So I told him how unhealthy it is, and how it can ruin your internal organs, but I don't know if he listened. Now I don't know what to do or how to be of assistance to him. Maybe I should tell Avalon. She knows him far better than I do.

Jackson is bulimic? Did Paige ever tell Avalon? I'll have to talk to her tomorrow.

Dear Diary – one month before.

I missed my period for the third month. At first, I thought it was just stress. I was wrong. I don't know how I'm going to tell him. I don't know what to do.

That's it. That's the end of the entry. And I don't know if I'm reading it right. F*ck. F*ck. Oh God. Paige was.... pregnant. F*ck. F*ck. Oh f*ck. Oh. F*ck.

And if she was pregnant... that baby is Sylv's.

Everything in my world crashes and burns.