My guy diary

Chapter 11: raped?

When I got home, I got in bed and cuddled with my pillow. I couldn't sleep. Things are running through my mind and it's a mess. Not one thought goes through my head correctly. I have three blankets on yet I'm still cold. I looked at my phone and it was only 8 o'clock, I have been in bed for about two hours now.

Do I love Callum? What was the point of kidnapping me? Is Harry working for somebody? I have so many questions, so many answers, but nothing makes sense. I wish things were like they used to be. Simple. I only had to worry about how much I weighed or what I looked like but now I have to watch out for who I let in my door.

I know this is selfish but I wish I could be somebody else why did it have to be me.

My mum said I could have tomorrow off so I can sleep in and relax but I think I might sleep in and then go to school late. By the time I look at my phone again it's 9 o'clock and I'm extremely tired. I push the blankets off me becoming annoyed at the heat and slowly drift off.

I wake up and everything is quite. I hate it when it's quite because I feel like I'm in danger, but when I'm with a lot of people, in a loud environment I feel like nothing can touch me.

I get up and stretch feeling all my back bones crack. I slowly walk down the stairs and look around the house to see if anyone's home. Nope, no one is here. I turn on the TV for some noise and grab an up and go. I quickly look at the clock to see that it was 11am.

I turn on my shower and hop in. The hot water hits my skin and let's me relax. My muscles become less tense and I sit down like I always do. The water hits my face and it makes me feel free like I have no worries in the world.

I get out and look in the mirror I'm wearing a pretty hot pink lacy bra and matching underwear. I've gotten skinnier in the past few months and I think in about a week I lost 5kg which is a lot. I weigh 42kg now. I still don't have a thigh gap. I'm pretty happy with my body. I'm average size with the bra size 12C. My legs still seem the size of Russia when I sit down but it's ok. I don't think they are that bad. My stomach isn't flat but that's ok too. I don't know if my body changed or if I changed but I don't care if I'm not the skinniest. Honestly I personally don't think really skinny girls look good.

I put on my sports uniform that is blue shorts at mid-thigh and a top that is mostly blue with some yellow streaks on the shoulder. It's not as bad as it sounds. I put on my new black and blue runners and didn't even bother with putting make-up on. Lastly I threw my hair into a

messy bun and made my way to the bus stop.

I'm on the way to the bus stop and this creepy guy across the road is staring at me. After the other day I'm extremely paranoid about every single person who walks by me. I even crossed the road when some sketchy looking guy was walking towards me on the path. I'm starting to walk past a boys school oval and right now it's lunch time. I fasten my pace as some of the boys make there way along the fence. They are walking right besides me with the fence being the only thing separating us.

There is 4 of them and I'm not going to lie, I'm scared shitless. One of them wolf whistles at me and I try to hide my disgust.

"Sup baby" one of the other guys says. He has light brown hair with a side fringe and he is kind of short for a guy. I ignore them because I know if I say something it's just going to turn ugly.

"Come on girly, tell us your name" another one says. Stay calm Sarah, stay calm. Don't even flinch. You only have about 20 metres to walk.

The last one is quite. He hasn't said a word. I turn to get a better look at him. He isn't as good looking as the others but that might be a good thing. He has blonde curly hair and looks smart but cool at the same time. Not many guys can pull that look off.

I've finally walked past the oval and the boys walked off. The bus stop was just a head and I could see my 580 bus coming. I made it to the bus and pretended to pay but didn't. I guess after Luke got away with it I just thought I could too.

I sat alone and out my earphones in. The song head in the clouds came on by forever ends here. I loved that song. I loved that band. I haven't listened to them in ages. I've only really been listening to depressing music. I need to start listening to better music. Music can always change my mood.

I had gotten off the bus and I'm walking over a bridge now to get to my school. I hate bridges. I feel like the bridge will collapse and I will fall. When I was a kid I loved scaring people saying stuff like "the bridge is going to brake" and "we are all going to die" but now going over the bridge resembles being unstable and right now that's exactly what I am.

I always feel so alone. At school I have a small group of five which I enjoy because I hate big groups but lately it feels like there isn't anything for me to say to them. It's like I've suddenly found nothing in common with them. This annoys me because I've been with these same girls since year 8 and some in year 7. Especially jas... I haven't seen her since Friday at school. I wander why she didn't go with Callum. Does she know that Callum came to see me. Does she know now? I feel so out of the loop.

I walk into my R.E class. Everyone turns to look at me. Their eyes burning through me as I walk to one of the back seats in between dean and Jacob. Great. My teacher didn't try to approach me, I think everyone knows about what happened because its really awkward. The teacher continues on with reading the bible and goes on to talk about rape as usual but she stops before she says her full sentence and she slightly looks at me and starts saying something else. That's odd. SHIT!! Do people think I got raped?

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Hey everyone I'm going to continue writing this book until I feel like I have used all my ideas and found a good ending.

I'm going to post every Saturday because randomly posting is crap (thank you to people who told me) and if you guys want I could try and throw in two updates a week but I will stick with this for a while.

I might write a description for my next book so people can read it and maybe share it and once the description gets a lot of views I will start it. I'm not exactly sure what's going on with that but I can tell you more info in the next chapter!

Love you

Thank you

Byeeeee