Vice

25: Next Morning

The chill of the man's grey-green eyes, the pulling tone of his voice, the gentle beat of his heart, and the warmth of his chest haunt Natara even when she awakens in the comfort of her own bed the following morning.

It feels like a dream. If it wasn't for the faint lingering scent of aftershave and smoke woven into the fabric of her blouse, she could almost convince herself it hadn't happened.

But it had. She'd saved a man from ending his life last night. She'd walked home with him under the moonlight. She'd gone into his home - into his bedroom - and cuddled against him until he fell asleep. Then she'd slipped out, walked her bike back home alone, and casually reminded her father that she stayed late for work.

Even back in the comfort of her own home - wrapped in her own soft bed sheets - the feeling of the man's cloud-like bed and the soft rise and fall of his chest beneath her cheek linger in her memory. 

She's never done anything like that. She hasn't even cuddled with James when they were dating, but last night she snuggled against a complete stranger who is probably a bit too old to be socially acceptable for her to be in bed with. 

Why had she done that, again? In the moment, it felt hard to think about anything besides the solemn tone of his voice and the emotion behind his grey-green eyes. But now? She must have been insane. She has no reason why she'd ever spend the night with a stranger. It's not like her.

But it would never happen again. She doesn't know the man's name or phone number and she doesn't go out enough to ever run into him on the street. She'd avoid that bridge forever, too, for good measure.

Macey lunges on top of her but Natara is so zoned out she doesn't notice. Macey notices, though, and pokes Natara's forehead until her eyes focus on her.

"You were out late last night," Macey comments. "Much later than the night before. I checked the time. It was like two in the morning." Natara hesitates. Should I tell Macey what happened? But, for the first time ever, Natara decides to keep a secret from her younger sister.

"Just working," Natara replies and immediately feels guilty. Why didn't I tell her? I tell Macey everything. She's my best friend in the entire world. Natara bites the inside of her cheek and her stomach sinks. Maybe it's just too embarrassing to bring up to anyone. 

Macey eyes her carefully, like she doesn't quite believe Natara's work kept her out until almost two in the morning, but she doesn't push for another answer. Instead, she slinks over to her desk and grabs something off of it. She plops it down on Natara's stomach.

"It's for your desk. You do have a desk, right?" Macey asks and Natara nods, looking down at what she's given her. It's a plain black picture frame that Macey has decorated with stickers and neon paint. Natara's graduation picture sits inside the frame.

"Thanks, this is really cute." Natara smiles and pulls Macey into a hug. "I like the flowers you did around the edge." It looks like Macey took a lot of time painting on all the little leaves and petals. It makes Natara feel even worse about keeping things from her. How would Macey feel if she knew Natara was suddenly keeping secrets? Betrayed? Hurt? Confused?

"Now, come on, let's eat," Macey urges, pulling at Natara's arm. Natara rises to her feet, puts the picture frame in her work bag, and gets ready for work. She tells Macey she'll meet her in the kitchen in a couple minutes and when she reaches the table she sees her mother making eggs and bacon.

Natara smiles. She's always felt thankful for how well her mother takes care of her. No matter what, her mother always had breakfast on the table. She always says conversation over a nice breakfast keeps family close and gets the day off to a good start. And Natara believes it. Even if life seems crazy or stressful, there's something comforting and rhythmic about breakfast time.

When she sits at the table Natara's mind quickly drifts from breakfast back to last night. She had a lovely almost-date with Jace yesterday, so why isn't that on her mind? Why is she thinking instead about the crazy depressed guy who bickered with her? Why was the way he asked her to stay so compelling, anyway?

She crunches a strip of bacon absentmindedly. Did she want someone to need her around that badly? Is that why she stayed with him?

Or was it for another reason? Because, even though he was frustrating, it wasn't like the young man from last night was unattractive. He fell right into the weak spot James and Jace had - handsome white boys - and he preyed on another Achilles heel she didn't even know she had: Blonde men with tight jeans and messy hair.

Okay, maybe BTS's Suga and SHINee's JongHyun had acclimated her a little bit to that kind of thing...

Natara pokes at her eggs and her mother raises an eyebrow across the table. "Is work getting to you? Feeling tired sweetie?" Natara shakes her head. "You sure, honey? Did something happen at work? You stayed out awfully late last night."

"That's what I said," Macey interjects. "They're overworking her!"

"It's not that bad. I made a mistake earlier in the day and had to do a lot of paperwork to make up for it," Natara explains, leaving out all of the extra details. She doesn't know how she'd explain the rest of last night to either of them. It's an embarrassment. Well, not the part where she saved a guy but everything that came after...

"I'm just a little worn out from everything, I think. It's a lot to process." Natara shrugs, forcing herself to eat more of her eggs. She certainly is tired, but she also spent last night cuddling a suicidal man she'd never even seen before. 

She closes her eyes, leaning back in her chair as she eats. What was I thinking?