Vice

41: Sisters

Even after Natara and Mr. Vice get into the car and head back home, the distant atmosphere lingers and the two of them sit in silence. 

Natara wonders if maybe she's upset him but she isn't sure how she would have. Maybe Mr. Vice just upset himself. Either way, she feels like being around Mr. Vice is an endless back-and-forth. When he's happy, her heart soars and she feels ready to sink into his companionship, but when he's distant he feels endlessly frustrating and like he's a stranger.

Natara spends the majority of the drive feeling the terror and regret build up in her chest until it's almost suffocating. Even though she does her best to funnel her focus into staring out the window and looking at the interesting scenery as they drive, it does little to distract her from her increasing anxiety. 

Why did she do that with a man who treats her like a complete stranger at times? How could she open up to someone who so constantly shuts her out? Even though it felt nice at the time Natara feels like she's made a horrible mistake.

When the car finally pulls back up to her house, Natara is quick to slip out of the vehicle. Mr. Vice is quick to leave, too. He doesn't even pull into her driveway, he just brakes on the street in front of the house and zooms out once she exits the vehicle. As Natara walks up the driveway, the relief of being away from Mr. Vice washes over her while a new concern takes its place. 

How is she supposed to face her family after what happened? What even made her think that it was a good idea to do those things with Mr. Vice in the first place? How could he be so offhanded and suddenly so cold after what they did? What would her family think about the fact that she messed around with someone who didn't even care about her?

Natara wishes it could be no big deal for her, too. She wishes she could just go on pretending he was a stranger and feeling like it didn't mean anything at all to her. But for her, a girl who hadn't even been kissed before Mr. Vice, that felt impossible. She really was playing with fire messing around with a man like him. 

Natara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, steadying herself before she faces her parents. She tries to quiet down all of the worries in her head about the type of man Mr. Vice is and why she thought it was a good idea letting him do that to her. She tries to just focus on keeping a straight face instead of crying as soon as she walks in the door. 

When Natara steps inside, she worries that her parents will run up to her and look her in the eyes. If they do, she might crumble on the spot. Thankfully, though, her dad's focus is on doing some work on his computer and her mom is busy cutting vegetables for dinner. 

Natara beelines to her room. She doesn't want to interact with anyone right now. Once she gets to her bedroom, she plops down on her bed, not noticing Macey sitting at the other side of the room.

"Sis," Macey says with a smile. Natara jumps. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." 

Macey's expression dampens when she sees the look on Natara's face. Macey's eyebrows raise and her lips part. Even though she doesn't know what it is that happened, she knows Natara did something, and that look of knowing hits Natara like a shock to the chest.

"No, I'm sorry, Macey," Natara stumbles over her words. Hot tears well up in her eyes and she blinks hard, trying to keep them from falling. She can't even bear to look at her younger sister. Her eyes stay downcast on the floor. 

"I'm sorry. I did exactly what you told me not to do. And he doesn't care at all about me. I'm so stupid. He doesn't even care about me," she chokes out and her efforts of holding back crumble. The warm tears gush down her cheeks and she draws in breaths like short gasps.

Natara didn't mean for the words to come out and she didn't want to tell Macey about any of this. She didn't want to admit her feeling of shame to anyone and she didn't want to feel all of these things for her careless boss. 

For some reason, Natara hadn't realized that she'd come face to face with her sister but this was her shared bedroom. Of course her sister would be there. Too much stress and anxiety felt like they muddled her mind too much for her to think right.

Those aren't the only words that come out. The whole story tumbles out of Natara's throat, accompanied by more tears than she realized she could produce. For some reason, Natara cries even more about Mr. Vice than she did about her ex boyfriend. She wishes she wasn't crying. Mr. Vice certainly wasn't at home crying about anything. Why couldn't she just be like him?

Macey sits still as Natara rambles off the whole story. At the end, she stands up from her bed and sits next to her sister, draping her arm over her shoulder. Natara sniffles against her hair while Macey sighs.

"I asked mom to buy me a container of mint chocolate chip ice cream today for my period but I think you need it just as much as I do," Macey offers, patting Natara's shoulder. "Wanna share it and binge movies all weekend? We can do the whole Disney princess lineup." 

Natara sniffles louder and nods. There was very little that couldn't be solved with hours upon hours of cute television and good food. This weekend would be just what she needed to refresh.

"But, um, Natara?" Macey mutters nervously. "Why did you say yes to him doing all those things? Why did you agree to go into his penthouse the first night and why did you continue to sleep in the same bed with him? And then why did you let him touch you that way in the hotel? That's so unlike you. What is it about Mr. Vice that makes you give in to him like that?"

Natara pauses. She isn't sure how to answer her sister's questions. Was it his heir of authority? His sad green eyes? His pouty full lips? Some sort of bleeding heart complex? How good everything felt? Was Natara maybe even lonely or rebounding after things happened with her ex? She really isn't sure.

Everything was back and forth with Mr. Vice. He was offhanded one moment and needy the next. He was yelling at her to leave him alone on the bridge and begging her to stay the night with him afterward. He was intimate with her in the hotel and then cold toward her the following morning.

Mr. Vice is so confusing. What he does, what he says, and how he asks are all confusing. And what's even more confusing is why Natara gives in to it so easily. Why she likes it. He's a crazy, insufferable, hot and cold wild card. 

So why does she like him?