Vice

51: Jace's Apartment

**Trigger warning: Sex. Not the good kind, either. Seriously. Do not read this chapter if you have any intolerance for bad sexual experiences and non-consent. You can easily skip this chapter (and the following chapter if you find mental reflection on the topic triggering.)**

Jace's apartment is nothing like Natara expected. 

She thought it would be prim, clean, and professional, but it is messy, littered with dirty clothes, cans of beer, and bottles of vodka. 

Pictures and calendars showing nude and skimpy dressed women cover the walls. It shocks her so much that Natara has to avert her eyes. Her boyfriend had pictures of this up in his house that he looked at every single day? 

She feels queasy just thinking about it. Even though it isn't cheating like her ex did, it almost reminds her of how it felt being cheated on. 

Of course, it's not like she had shown him her body or given him anything to fulfill those kinds of needs and maybe he'd had those pictures and calendars for years and just hadn't had the opportunity to get rid of them since they only started dating recently. Jace probably had reasons for those kinds of things. 

He was an adult man, after all. Maybe this was how all adult men were.

She takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself, and Jace's lips interrupt her. 

He presses her up against the apartment's entry door and both of his hands find her waist. She stiffens for a moment, shocked he jumped into kissing her so quickly, but it doesn't take long for her to relax into the feeling. 

His kiss is firm and it doesn't take long for him to deepen it and slide his tongue between her lips. He moves his hands across her body, touching her very differently than Mr. Vice.

Mr. Vice had taken his time running his fingers along Natara's skin, tracing it, exploring it. His touch - even when it was hungry and desperate - was slow and deliberate, never pushing her further than she was comfortable with and never feeling pressuring. 

Jace's touch is quicker, almost slippery - as if he wants to grab up as much of Natara's body as he can as quickly as he is able. She wonders if this is how most men touch, or if most men touch like Mr. Vice does. 

What is the normal way of touching in this sort of situation? Should she be touching Jace like that, too? Should she touch him like he's touching her, or more like the way Mr. Vice touched her? The way Mr. Vice touched her certainly felt more pleasurable and intimate...

She decides to match Jace. He lets out a sound, between a growl and a moan, and pulls her closer. She can feel his heat, his excitement, and how much he is yearning for more even with clothing still on. 

It only takes a couple more seconds before Jace decides he doesn't want the clothing in the picture anymore, and he lifts up the corners of Natara's dress. 

Instinctively, her hands rush to the bottom of her dress and hold it down. Why is she holding it down when she was so quick to let Mr. Vice undress her? Jace is her boyfriend. Mr. Vice is her boss.

"Are you shy, Ara?" Jace asks. His hands still rest at the bottom of her dress, waiting for her to let go and let him in. She glances away, red faced. "I'm sure you're beautiful. And I'll be gentle."

"Yeah, I'm just shy," she replies. But is she? She really isn't sure. 

But it's not fair for her to fool around with Mr. Vice even when they weren't dating and then not do the same things with someone she's actually choosing to date, is it? 

Assuming her thoughtful silence is just shyness, Jace tugs her dress up and pushes his fingers inside her. Mr. Vice had trailed slowly along the insides of her thighs, teasing her until she arched her back and begged him to touch her more. Jace just does it. 

He doesn't give her any time to yearn for it. He doesn't tease her or get her excited. And it hurts. And Natara feels afraid.

She lets out a yelp, which Jace only seems to interpret as a noise of encouragement. She doesn't mean to encourage him. If anything, she wants to ask him to slow down or stop entirely but her anxiety makes her feel nervous to speak during something like this. 

Do people normally talk during things like this? Would it be weird or wrong if I did? 

Before she can push herself to say anything else, he swaps his fingers out and pushes himself inside her, taking her completely off guard. And taking her virginity.

Natara didn't realize things were going to go this far. She hadn't even noticed him preparing to put himself inside of her. Did he wear a condom? Was he supposed to? Was she supposed to provide one if she wanted him to use it? 

She assumes this is just what adults do. It isn't high school anymore where dating means exchanging cute love letters, hand holding, and giving each other quick kisses in the halls. 

Dating in the adult world was dangerous. Real. There were expectations about things. Dating came with strings attached and going back to someone's apartment or house must have meant that the strings were going to get pulled.

Sex itself is different than Natara thought it would be. It's different from Mr. Vice going down and pleasuring her gently and tantalizingly in the hotel. She isn't sure exactly what she expected sex to be like - since she hadn't ever really sat down to imagine it - but the first thing she notices is that it stings. Jace's body feels like it's tugging and scraping along her insides, almost like she's being pulled apart down there. 

She pinches her eyes closed, wondering if she was supposed to be more excited or more wet before he went in her or if Jace was just well endowed. But it isn't pleasant. With each new movement she just feels pain.

The pain lasts for nearly ten minutes and when Jace finally pulls himself out of her, she feels like crying. Everything below her waistline feels rubbed raw and achingly sore. A weird stinging pain sits inside her and she doesn't even turn to look at Jace as he plops down beside her on the far side of the bed. 

He doesn't approach her after he's done what he wants to her. Natara doesn't know if that's normal or not, but she wishes she could have fallen asleep curled up against him like she did in the hotel with Mr. Vice. 

Why didn't her boyfriend treat her as well as her uncaring, confusing, and engaged boss?

Natara feels lonely, confused, and violated as she attempts to hold back her tears and force herself to sleep.