Vice

49: Making Plans

Natara's heart pounds as she pulls back up into the office parking garage. 

As soon as she puts the vehicle in park, she bangs her forehead against her steering wheel. 

Stupid. She was so stupid! 

Tears stream down her cheeks and she struggles to wipe them away as quickly as they fall. 

Macey was right. She should have never gotten herself into this situation. Natara should have stayed strong and followed her advice. She was a fool. She was no better than when she first graduated high school. Useless. Lost. Nothing more than average.

She knew she was too average for someone like Mr. Vice to ever truly want to be with her. So why did she give in? Why was she so dumb?

The tears stop flowing and Natara does her best to pull herself together and make her way back to Jaquie's office. Her legs wobble underneath her as she walks, as if they're struggling to hold her high. 

She wants to hold herself high. She wishes she could. How could some people pretend like nothing ever happened after things like this? Natara could never be like that. When she reaches the entrance to Jaquie's office, she opens her mouth to speak but Jaquie interrupts.

"Good you're finally here. Mr. Vice notified me that he sent you away. Don't look so shocked that I'm not surprised to see you." Jaquie raises an eyebrow then clicks his pen a few times, tapping it against a stack of papers on his desk. 

"These are for you," he says, motioning to the stack. Natara feels more than eager to bury herself in paperwork. She steps forward, grabs the stack, thanks Jaquie, and heads toward her office.

When she settles in, she dives into the stack of papers, pleased to focus on work instead of life. She concerns herself only with thoughts of the company: how to improve the documents, where to make changes, places to stamp, and information to fill out. 

After everything that has happened lately - after all of the stress of her growing feelings toward Mr. Vice and Jace, Mr. Vice attempting to kill himself twice, adjusting to the new job, and feeling nervous about not letting her family down - it feels therapeutic to just go through paperwork. 

Unfortunately, though, Natara only manages to work for about half an hour before she is interrupted.

"Hey, beautiful." She glances up from her desk and sees Jace standing in the doorway. He gives her a slight wave and she smiles. 

Today he looks especially handsome, dressed in a tan suit with a royal blue tie. Natara struggles to remind herself that Jace is her boyfriend. The handsome twenty-four year old standing in her office is hers. She flushes. 

"I wasn't sure if I'd find you here or at the hospital. I made dinner reservations for us tonight. Hope you like Italian food." He leans against the doorframe.

"Who doesn't like Italian food?" Natara laughs, tilting her head downward and to the side, hoping her hair will do something to cover up her rosy cheeks. Jace grins. He steps forward, making his way across her office to her desk. Once he reaches it he leans down toward her, leveling his bright blue eyes with hers.

"Well, I figured I'd ask. If you said you didn't I'd be making the quickest reservation change known to man. I felt a little nervous reserving it ahead of time." Jace places one of his palms atop her desk and his grin changes to a more laid back half-smile. 

Natara's whole body feels warm with him so close to her. She wishes he would step back a foot or two so her face could turn back to its normal color.

"I'm glad I didn't force you to do that. I would have been fine with anything, honestly. So you wouldn't have needed to change it," Natara rambles. 

She would feel anxious if he had to go through all the trouble of changing the reservation for her. She'd rather force herself to eat something she didn't like than cause a hassle. Even though Jace seemed like he would be fine with changing it, it wouldn't be fine to her.

"Aww, that's so nice. I didn't realize you were so adaptable." Jace smiles, leaning a few inches closer. She almost wonders if he might move a foot or two forward and kiss her. She wonders what kissing him would feel like. 

Would it feel the same way it felt with Mr. Vice? Or better? Or worse? Or just...different?

"Glad you think so," she mumbles, scooting a few inches backward in her chair. Is he going to try to kiss me? When she can't move any further back, her face sears with heat from the inescapable proximity. 

She wonders if she should leave her chair entirely and retreat to the furthest corner of her office. Her ex had never been close to her like this, where it felt like he was only seconds away from making a move on her. Natara's mind flashes back to the high school graduation. Clearly he had no trouble getting into close proximity with other girls. Maybe it was a problem with Natara herself. Maybe she was just too shy to let guys kiss her.

And the only person she HAD kissed was Mr. Vice. For some reason, that had felt easier than this. Was she more comfortable with him? Was he more pulling? Was she just insanely weak to him?

"Well," Jace glances down at the papers on her desk, "I don't want to keep bugging you when I know you have plenty of work to do. I don't want you to neglect your work so much that you work late and can't make our dinner tonight!" He winks and retracts himself from her desk. 

Natara's shoulders slump and she lets out a breath of air.

"Alright," she mutters back and Jace wanders back toward her office entrance. 

She watches him back away, yearning for a moment for him to come back toward her and go ahead and kiss her. As much as she wants to run away and avoid a kiss, she does feel a little disappointed that it didn't happen. Natara imagines face-palming herself. 

What kind of silly girl doesn't want to be kissed because it makes her too anxious to think about and then wishes she WAS kissed when the guy walks away and the anxiety lessens? I'm ridiculous.

"I'll stop by later and we can carpool there together. Until then, gorgeous," Jace says, giving her a wink and slipping out the door.