Paper Cigarette

2015/05/02 - Saturday (Lisbon, Portugal)

2015/05/02 – Saturday (Lisbon, Portugal)

...answers...so many questions and doubts...I need to get a grip on my reality...it's a constant reminder that my purpose here is to re-do the Camino pilgrimage... and yes, there is no rhyme or reason for doing it other than there is a little voice in the back of my head that I have to...listen to?...walking around Lisbon is no longer capturing my interest...I know it is not the city which is the problem but whatever grinds my wheels in my head...boredom of my life becoming a chaotic nomadic routine will be the catalyst which will propel me into making a decision about committing to the Camino...is it only my life which is a contradiction...

...grasped...ended up walking in a neighborhood called Arroios...once one becomes familiar with the neighborhoods by name it's a sign that I have been here too long... like every great nookie in this city, it is where one will find a public park... or if you prefer the last stomping grounds where trees can still handle the air pollution... a triangle shape park with a few benches, neglected sidewalks and trees with exposed roots...mainly because the park is on a hillside and the erosion of the land was never stopped or replenished...

... dynasty... some of the buildings around this park are very modest... neglected building maintenance is not only a sign of the difficult economic times, but of historical hardships as some houses seem over a century old with only fingernails grasping the fragmenting foundations... a very small park indeed... but even its' small size does not undermine the importance it plays...there is no playground, but an abundant pigeon flock competing with dogs who only request a small space to shit...there is also an elderly homeless woman... whose monopolized empire is still limited to two benches where she stacks her suitcases covered with a tarp... she must be the queen of the park as her disloyal subjects only flock to her when she inadvertently drops a handful of bread crumbs...and what would be a kingdom without a church...

...puzzling...located on one of the corners facing the park...is a church which has several layers of steps leading to an elevated paved patio/platform... and once one manages to reach the patio then there is another obstacle with a further dozen steps before reaching the church doors... mankind probably believes making god quasi-inaccessible is better for devotion... on the patio level there are finely dressed people... with shiny shoes, cellphones in hand and a festival quantity of group selfies... and most with cigarette smiles too... on the sidewalk are people also finely dressed including shiny shoes... there are no selfies being flashed but all cells are resting on ears...there is an air of boredom coming from their faces... whether they are high up on the patio or down below on the sidewalk...the common feature of these faces are that they look like they're trapped in life...where is the optimism of the little child in them...or was hardship imposed from the first breath...

... riven... at the sidewalk level there is a side entrance to the church's ground floor with a funeral hearse parked outside its' doors... a coffin is being pulled out... on the patio level a newlywed couple are showered with rice... leaning up against a bench in the park, as I want to feel something poking my ass to wake me up cause I must be in a dream state...I can't help but laugh at this fiasco... is this crass scheduling... which of these events could not wait... the newlywed couple are oblivious to what is going down below and even the deceased by this time could not give two shits either... whatever the occasion...it's a human get together...a happening for uniting family and friends...with all this going on, there are now fearless and daring pigeons diving for the rice feast laid out before them before the park queen kneels to scoop it up...