2015/01/05 – Monday (Cascais, Portugal)
... being in Portugal this time of year has its' perks... for me, amongst other things it has to be the warm sun in lieu of a blistering snow laden cold, as it is back in Montreal (plateau neighborhood) today... with empathy juggling my childhood memories of my old neighbourhood and a snowstorm back in 1969 ... a time before parking vignettes (the time-sharing condo concept applied to abstract parking spaces, where you pay and end up owning... nothing! ) where Portuguese was the official language on the plateau until it got replaced by bourgeois... this is the story of Senhor Joao and Maria (is there any other Portuguese name for a woman?)...
... it is believed Senhor Joao drove an Oldsmobile Delta 88, being of a small stature he had to place a cushion on the seat so that his nose would not rub on the steering wheel... on a tormenting stormy winter snow day, one had to dig out parking spaces... he had parked his car illegally up the street and set forth to dig himself a parking space in front of his duplex...it gave him a feeling of re-assurance to be able to keep his used & prized Delta 88 within eye sight... after all it had a doily on the back-seat panel, handmade to measure by Senhora Maria...since they were unable to have children, she had a lot of free time...
...after an hour or so of digging out snow, he had himself a geometrically accurate rectangular space for his car... he placed the shovel in the middle of the parking space so as to mark his territory and set out to get his car and drive it to his newly chiseled parking space...when he arrived, some filho da puta (son of a bitch) had put his car in HIS space, and to add insult to injury the shovel was gone too...with rage now flowing in his veins ... he drove the car several times around the block and the other car was still in his spot...on the next street block, he drove his car with such a velocity into a snow bank that the impact created itself a parking space although his car was precariously balancing at an angle... no matter, his prime directive was to confront the vile parking space free loader thief person...he got to his house and dodging clothes lines/ropes (to hang and dry clothes) in the hallway ... he made his way to the bedroom window to see and hopefully catch the parking space ladrão (thief)... long minutes passed by and his impatience was now fuelled by anger...
...anda ver, anda ver...Joao!! (come and see) his wife called out to him... once again he dodged the clothes lines in the hallway and upon reaching the living room... he sees his wife sitting on a plastic covered sofa and eating a homemade rissois (Portuguese version of a pizza pocket) and dripping azeite (olive oil) on her enormous cleavage, he thinks to himself what a fucken slob...once, in their monthly saturday night sex sessions (if you want to call it that...oufff!)...in bed he couldn't help smelling lemons and was not until he fondled her breasts that he found a lemon scented fabric softener sheet... though they had a dryer, she preferred hanging clothes on the hallway lines/ ropes and use the bounce sheet to prevent her tits from sticking together... on the TV newscast they were showing the snow storm...she had called him to come and see the snowstorm on TV... this is what one would call a Kodak/Mastercard moment, you should have seen the look on his face, priceless...
... our friend heads back to the bedroom window... once again hitting the clothes lines in the hallway and breaking one... as he looks out the window, there is now another car in his spot...foda-se, caralho (procreation and penis explicative)... he now turns his back to the window and leans on the very small window ledge...despair has set in, as his eyes pan their bedroom, he sees his golden lacquered imitation wood frame wedding picture (almost poster size) over the bed board...he remembered the argument this picture had caused at the Galicia Portrait Photo shop... the Spanish owner had 2 versions of the picture, one au naturel where her facial hair was the focal point on the picture and a second with time consuming touch-ups to hide the black grizzly spots... of course the latter cost more, though they ended up getting and paying a substantial amount for the one with touch ups... they thought the Spaniard would end up placing the au naturel picture in his window display without paying them some sort of royalties... of course the savvy Spaniard did no such thing as he wanted passerby customers to come into his photo shop studio and not be repulsed by a such a woman...
... you are wondering why he would marry such a woman?... Canadian immigration gave preference to married couples... yep! a shot gun wedding Portuguese style... on a side note, the picture was taken soon after arriving in Canada and her wedding dress was already too small... though they were only married for a few weeks, she was already exploding into obesity... of course, the bigger she got physically the more there was to love, if you want to give her size a positive twist... cap in hand ... our snow hero Senhor Joao... walks out the door and this time was completely unhindered by the clothes lines, as his posture of despair made him physically smaller... he now heads out to the next street and try to fix himself a new parking space where he had left off his car in anger...once there he realized he did not have a shovel, and his rear tires made no contact with the ground... his car was floating in the air...he heads back home, pours himself a shot glass of agua ardente (moonshine) and catches the last few minutes recap of the weather report calling for more snow...
YOU ARE READING
Paper Cigarette
Random...... ...Paper Cigarette (slices of life)... ...for better or for worse, what happens on the Camino does not always stay on the Camino.... .. it's a journal style novel (fiction)....... it's about a man who inadvertently finds himself on the Santia...
