sign {h.s.}

chapter twenty-one

"YOU'VE GOT SOME explaining to do." A terrifying open to any phone call, I find it more haunting when I realize that my brother's voice is so absolutely calm. Unwavering. Patient in a way, my blood runs cold. My relationships with my brothers are all fantastic. Though, they haven't always been this way. Riddled throughout our childhoods are extended periods of pettiness in which we existed solely to make the other suffer. Even though I am an adult now, I still find a cold chill to run through my body when I think about how easily my brother could bring me back to that state of being.

"What are you talking about?"

"Han did not just visit you for fun." All at once, everything comes back to me. Everything makes sense. Since Hannah came to visit, we have not talked about the conversation that transpired between us. When she left, she requested that I not talk to my brother about it. While my loyalty to my family is endless, I found that I agreed with her: there are some things that you should hear from your girlfriend, not your sister. Seeing as she had every intention of telling him, I found no harm in staying silent.

Quickly, my eyes dart over to Harry. It's clear he is trying to make it look as though he is not eavesdropping. His head is slightly turned to me and he is in the middle of a conversation with Lola, but that doesn't seem to bother him. His ability to multitask and to easily shift between languages—focusing on two at the same time—has always been admirable to me.

Still, I don't want him listening in on this conversation. "Fuck, hold on, okay?" I say while getting up off my bed to move into the hallway to take the call. My brother's mood is presently impossible to decipher and if Caleb is pissed, I don't want Harry to have the pleasure of getting to listen to me getting yelled at.

In the hallway, I slide against the door and move into a seated position. My heart begins to hammer in my chest. I've never particularly liked the feeling of getting yelled at. More than anything it stresses me out. It's not the kind of environment or criticism that I respond to. By now, Caleb should know this. He doesn't frequently get upset, but when he does, it tends to be explosive.

I can feel my key pressing against my pocket, and I take that to be a good sign. I hadn't thought about packing the key actively before I moved out of the room. Though, fortunately, Harry would be in there to let me in as a worst case scenario. Since the events of Thursday, I've been trying to be better about making sure that I have my key before I leave the room. Duplicating those events sounds like nothing but a bad idea to me.

Fortunately, they're in the past.

Lola had waited for me in the room when I got back. I apologized to her immediately. Guilt coils my stomach every time I think about the way that I manage to distract Harry from his job. Or, he gets distracted by me. At this point, I'm not sure where to place the blame. Still, I knew that I needed to apologize. I was just thankful that she was so gracious in her acceptance; even daring to go so far as to say that I had nothing to apologize for.

Elijah, as well, had been equally as forgiving. We confirmed our plans to meet in the library an hour before class to review. Otherwise, he had nothing to say about the events. I could only pray that I hadn't scarred him too bad.

Harry, on the other hand, has been a completely different story. There had so obviously been aggression and anger churning between us. I was mad at him, he was mad at me. The environment that we were creating between us wasn't healthy. Though, the conversation that we had—before we fell into bed—had been somewhat productive. Since, we've attempted to continue that sort of productive level of dialogue. Instead of letting things fester between us, we've both taken efforts to be more forthright when we have an issue.

Of course, I can't live in this world of bliss forever. My brother clearing his throat loudly reminds me that he is sitting on the other end of the phone waiting for me. "Go ahead." I sigh, bracing myself as I prepare for the uninhibited rage.