sign {h.s.}

kapitel vier

"LOATHING. THERE'S A strange exhilaration in such total detestation. It's so pure it's so strong! Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last. And I will be loathing, for, forever loathing. Truly, deeply loathing you loathing you my whole life long!" As the music from "What is this Feeling" from Wicked winds down, I can hear the introduction to "Mamma Mia" from Mamma Mia already sounding.

"I was cheated by you and I think you know when. So I made up my mind, it must come to an end. Look at me now. Will I ever learn? I don't know how. But I suddenly lose control, there's a fire within my soul. Just one look and I can hear a bell ring. One more look and I forget everything. Woah, Mamma Mia. Here I go again, my my, how can I resist ya. Mamma Mia, does it show again. My my just how much I missed ya." By this point, I'm singing into my shampoo bottle, singing my absolute heart out.

"The heel should hit the ceiling. The heel should hit the, the heel should hit the ceiling," the instrumental break sounds. I run conditioner through my hair, working it through my fingers. "From London to Milan, stilettos are an ism. In red and neon life, gotta lotta p-p-p-p-p-p-Prada. New York, Paris, Hong Kong, live it like an ism. Seduction amplified, the heel is the transmission." I'm shaving one leg, shaking my body to the best of my ability to the tune of "The Sex is in the Heel" from Kinky Boots, giving the slight confines of the tight shower.

As I begin to shave my other leg, "I Didn't Plan It" from Waitress begins to sound through the speaker of my phone, "something to feel, to race through your blood, and remind you you're here. To open your eyes and look around, and see the sky when you're on the ground. I didn't plan it. But that's life, and I'm finally feeling alive. It's not right, but it's mine. And it's finally something to feel." I swing my arm back, mocking a singer on stage as I hit the last note.

I've resorted to dancing as well, sliding around in the shower as I reach down to lather my body in soap. "Love is an open door," I twirl around to rinse all of the soap off of my body.

Just then, the door to the bathroom swings open. I peek my head out of the curtain, my face no doubt flushing bright pink as a result of having Lola walk in on me in the shower. Though, if my face was pink before, it must be bright red now, upon realizing that it was Harry who had walked into the bathroom, not Lola. "Yeah, yeah, love is an open door." Harry mockingly sings along with me for a second. I retract my head from the curtain and immediately move to pause the music.

"What the hell are you doing in here? Get out! I'm showering!" I scream at him, wishing desperately that I had something that I could throw at him.

I find him infuriating, to say the least. Cocky and pointed, he assumes himself superior and it's obvious. Painstakingly obvious that he prides himself above everyone else in the space with him. The only person that he seems able to tolerate with some semblance of consistent patience is Lola. Guilt wracks through my body upon each time that I find myself subconsciously envying my Deaf roommate, though, I do find myself jealous that she does not find herself having to deal with the irritable Harry Styles.

Entitled is one way to put it.

Assholish is another. One is preferential to the other.

"Yeah, and I'm trying to do work with Lola and I can't concentrate over your singing. You should be a little bit more courteous to us working, you know." Harry scolds me, making it obvious that his aim is to guilt me. Briefly, I find myself buying into it. Temporarily I find myself leaning into the story that he is building. Only for a second, though, before I snap back into reality.

"I didn't know you were here!" After a second, though, I add in, "besides, not to be insensitive, but my roommate is completely Deaf so I thought singing would be okay!"