Does It Really Last Forever

Chapter 5: I'm Not Crazy!

I headed to the office with Alex. I was terrified. What if they made me talk about cutting? What if they locked me up? Oh my god what if they labeled me as crazy? Alex would never speak to me again! I was nervous went we arrived and I was dying when we walked in. I couldn't understand why I was nervous. I mean it benefited me. And it would make my life happier right? A lady all in white greeted me. I squeezed Alex's hand. "Eboney! How are you?" "Fine." "Well, I'm glad you came." Alex and I followed her to her 'office' as she would call it. I called it a place where she would interrogate the shit out of me. Alex followed me in the room. "Umm, sorry but you have to wait outside. I bit my lip and stared at Alex. "Alright." I sat in the chair and she closed the door. "Hello." "Hi." "So, I have a couple questions. Just getting your basic information. About you. Like your life, what you do, how you feel. For starters what's your hobbies?" "Umm, I don't really have any." "At all?" "Well, I can play guitar. Sorta. I'm not as good as my boyfriend though. He's in a band." "That's your boyfriend?" "Yeah." "When did you guys start dating?" "Like 5 months ago." "Yeah. What grade are you in?" "10th." "How's school?" "It's alright." Lie. Lie. Lie! That was a lie. Why am I lying to her? I'm suppose to be open with her! "Okay. Well, there's a few odd question I have to ask. Just for the records. Things the facility needs to know." "Okay." "Have you thought about killing yourself or killing someone?" "No." "Have you harmed yourself in anyway?" "No. Can we skip these questions? I'm suppose to be here talking about my mother." "Sorry, but there's a few more. Have you thought about harming..." "Stop!" I just snapped. I got up and rushed out. "Eboney what happened?" I kept on running cause by now I was crying. I didn't stop at the car. I started waking down the street. After 20 minutes of walking I sat on a curb on the main road. I was just thinking about how I could step in the middle of this road right now and end it all. Everything would be over. The abuse from everyone. My mother. The bullying. School. Self harming. Wanting to die every minute of the day. Life. A car pulled up by me. "Get in the car." Alex. I didn't say anything. I got up and got in. "What the hell happened back there?" "I don't know. She was just asking so many questions and I just snapped." "Questions like what?" "Self harming and me wanting to kill myself! And I lied! I lied straight to her face and told her I was perfectly fine and I didn't think about any of it! I don't know why I lied! I'm suppose to be open with her and I can't! I just can't. I don't wanna tell a stranger my life! I don't want her to classify me as crazy! I don't wanna be locked up! I don't want to put up with any of this! Just take me home!" I cried. Alex didn't say anything. We pulled in the driveway and I ran in the house, locking myself in my room. Minutes later I heard someone knocking on the door. "Baby it's me. I know your upset right now and probably don't wanna talk to anyone but can you please let me in?" I didn't answer. I knew if I didn't let him in he'd probably use the key and let himself in. So I got up and let him in. I laid back on the bed and buried my face in the sheets. I screamed. Alex sat on the bed. He set his hand on my back. Alex pulled me on to his lap and cradled me in his arms. "It's okay baby." "I'm really stressed out. I need to drink." "But my parents are here." "I know. Can't we like just stay in here all night? We can get like a pizza. A bottle of Jack. We have a tv and shower in here we should be fine." "Yeah I guess."

I sat there waiting for Alex. I felt like shit. I just wanna jump off a fucking bridge and let it all be over. I was so overwhelmed. Fuck life! I just wanna get drunk and forget life. Alex came back with pizza and alcohol. I jumped for the alcohol and ripped open the bottle. I took down as much as I could. "Slow down babe! Your going to fast!" "Shh... Let me be. My life's shit! And all I wanna do is drink and cry and eat pizza." "What about me? Don't you wanna lay with me?!" "Yeah. Yeah." I drank more. "Stop!" Alex pulled the bottled away. "Let's eat first. Pick out a movie." "The Nightmare Before Christmas. Put it in." "Okay." Alex put the movie in and laid in bed with me. "Wait pause it!" I jumped up and changed into pajamas. Well not really pajamas just shorts and a sports bra. I climbed in bed and grabbed a piece of pizza. Alex stripped down to his boxers and got in bed with me. "Babe?" "Yeah?" "We gotta get you lingerie." "Lingerie?" "Yeah like something sexy to wear. You know like those outfits from Spencer's and Victoria Secrets!" "I don't know." Hell no! I'm not putting on some skimpy outfit! I will ended up so depressed on how disgusting I look. I mean look like a fat cow now just imagine how I'll look in some skimpy outfit! "No." "Why?" "Because I'll look fat and disgusting!" "Eboney! You barely eat you are skinny as hell! I can see your fucking ribs and your hipbones. Your spine pops out. You are NOT fat!" "I'll look disgusting!" "You'll look beautiful and sexy! We're going tomorrow." "Fine! But I'm not wearing anything. You can look." "Whatever grumpy." Alex kissed me. I tasted the pizza off his lip. I set down my half eaten piece of pizza and grabbed more alcohol. Alex drank some too. I was getting tired. I crawled under the covers. "Baby are you falling asleep?" "I'm tired. I've had a long annoying depressing day." I soon fell asleep. I just wanted this day to be over.