LOVE SICK : The Chaotic Lives of Blue Shorts Guys

SPECIAL CHAPTER: CAN YOU HEAR IT? THE VOICECOMING FROM PHUN

"Phun! Can you check my club's budget for me? Please? Please? Please? There's 20,000 missing! I'm about to go insane here!"

This was how Noh popped into my life and became the biggest surprise within years. It's a fact that we somewhat knew each other, but we never had a chance to talk with only just the two of us like that before. Every time we had spoken, we never had such a lengthy conversation like that time either.

I couldn't help but smile whenever I thought about that day. Noh's light and pale face is usually full of so many different expressions. Sometimes he gets rowdy. Sometimes he has a smug look on his face. Sometimes he has that devious look as if he is planning to do something evil when he hangs out with his friends or just when he jokes around with them. But that day, he had on a different expression which I had never seen before. He had on such an extreme panicky expression that I had to stop myself from breaking out in laughter. Okay, I'll admit that I often enjoyed secretly looking at Noh since he's such a character. Whenever I saw his face, I felt so relaxed and all my stress disappeared since he could make me laugh.

But I swear that even though I felt that way, I have never once thought of Noh in a romantic way because he is my (not exactly close) friend who is always in such a cheerful mood. I knew that he was 100% straight. I even heard that he had a girlfriend that attended to the same school as my girlfriend, but I didn't know who she was. Sometimes, I used to think how Noh might have acted when he was with his girlfriend. Was he the type that joked around like how he was at school? (Which would be stressful for his girlfriend) Or maybe he was the unbelievably sweet and romantic type when he was around her? Who's to know?

I had no ulterior motives and was being completely sincere when I asked Noh that question that day. Little did I know that one day, Noh and I would've fallen into a pit so deep that neither of us could barely climb out of.

Aim : Message me when you're on, Yuri says:
Phun, please don't leave me.

But reality is never as simple as we tend to hope for them to be. I stare at that message in an MSN Messenger window on my computer screen before I let out a long sigh.

I feel that my index finger is lightly tapping on the mouse as if I'm someone with wandering thoughts. In reality, my head is pretty empty. It isn't because I'm being heartless and not feeling anything at all. It's just that I've been trying to think about this over and over, but I can't seem to find a solution. At this point, I've turned into someone that is trying to run away from the truth.

There've been so many instances where I kept going over what happened, trying to find out how everything turned out like this. What kind of feelings do I have for Noh? Do I love him? I don't have the guts to admit that I'd be able to give something as great as that to a friend who had fully entered my life just last Wednesday.

I can't bring myself to wholeheartedly use the word 'love' with that guy...but I know that I want him in my life. Having Noh beside me this past week was something I could never put a price on. Every time I woke up and saw his sleeping face next to me, I couldn't help but wish that this would keep happening every morning...until we crossed that line of being just 'friends.'

I realize what a shitty thing I've done because I have no right to do that with anybody else.

I wanted to be an honorable man who will love Aim until the very end. I wanted to keep our relationship going strong because she had put her faith in me.

Ultimately, I overestimated my own abilities.

I lied...when I said that I didn't have any ulterior motives and that I was being sincere when I asked Noh to be my fake boyfriend. I lied...