тнe paѕтorѕ ѕon |ѕlυмpтacιon|

13

the wake was over and honestly I didn't want to go to see my mother get buried this shit was traumatizing. I walked towards the door to then get stopped by my dad I was nervous as to how he looked at me and the way he just grabbed my wrist.

"What are you doing here? didn't I tell your sister I didn't want you or her here? how did you get in?"

" I just walked in This is my moms funeral you know the woman who gave birth to me? and yeah you did tell us you didn't want us here but I don't care I wasn't going to miss moms funeral and neither was she ." 

"Get out! and don't come back ." 

"You aint gotta worry dad! your faggot son will leave you alone! I promise you wont hear from me ever again." 

I turned away and walked towards my sister who looked like she was pissed off my aunt Giselle just kept yelling at her. 

"You think that what you doing is good? living a life filled with sins? it says in Leviticus 20:13 If a man lies with a man as with a woman both of them have committed an abomination! you need to get your act together and come back to Christ before you end up in the pits of hell Cynthia." 

"God loves me he loves us all!!" 

"He doesn't love you he will love you if you repent!" 

"It says in Mathew 7:1 Do not judge or you will be judged for with the same judgement you pronounce you will be judged ! stop judging my sister just because she's in love! you here talking about sin but your committing adultery! your married to uncle John but messing around with pastor Joseph." 

I hated when people went at my sister its like she could never catch a damn break just because she liked women. I shook my head as my aunt stood there speechless and I then got into the car with everyone. 

"Drop me off at the house, Ive had it with this poor excuse of a fucking family!" I say highkey annoyed. 

I wasn't one who liked to put peoples business out there but it was everytime my sister came to visit the church they would say some fucked up shit to her. 

"You don't wanna go to your moms burial?" jahseh asked. 

I was starting to think his ass was mute since he didn't try to talk to me earlier but I guess I was wrong. 

"Nah I'm Gucci." I say looking out the window. 

"Bro right after we going out to eat just come to the burial please!" My sister said. "And thank you for sticking up for me!! I appreciate it." she smiled. 

"Anything for you!" I say smiling back at her.

my sister was my everything and she was the only one I had 

I didn't really want to go out to eat. I didn't wanna do anything at all I was really stressed out. In all honesty I wanted to be alone but now since Ayleks is here I knew damn well that wasn't gonna happen.

As he drove I just kept thinking back to the days when I could've swore she had a clue I was gay.

-flashback-

It was Tuesday I had just got out the doctors office and my mom was gonna stop at CVS to get my medication.

Since we were in a rush we went through the drive through to drop the prescriptions off. The pharmacist was cute he had brown hair green eyes and big lips.

"He's cute!" I said smiling.

At that moment my mom looked at me in disgust.

"He isn't cute Stokeley, you don't say those kinds of things about a man! That's disgusting!"

"I- I'm sorry!" I say drowning.

"Just don't say that ever again."

I was just 6 years old who knew giving a compliment to someone would make my mother so angry.

After dropping off the prescriptions she drove off and we went to McDonalds. My sister worked there and I loved McDonalds I mean who doesn't?

When we got to McDonalds I stood shut but I overheard my mom talking to my sister on how I called the guy at the pharmacy cute.

"Now that you bring up weird things, your brother and I were dropping off his prescriptions at CVS and he called the pharmacist cute."

"Okay mom whats wrong with that?" My sister asked.

"It was a guy that's what's wrong."

"I don't understand why you and dad have to be so judgmental, maybe the guy was cute who cares?"

"Yeah but the thing is I ain't raising no faggot I'm raising a man of God."

-end of flashback-

I always feel like my mom knew I was gay she just never wanted to accept it but now she's gone.

We made it to the burial and honestly I didn't wanna be there. Right now many things were going through my mind suicide being one of them.

I stood by the car smoking a cigarette  meanwhile everyone else went to the burial. I was stressed out although my mom was a bitch in her last days doesn't mean I didn't love her.

While I was in my own world Jah tapped my shoulder.

"You good?"

I nodded.

"Yeah I'm alright."

"Its okay, not to be okay stokeley."

"Jah seriously I'm fine." I said lying.

"Okay." He says.

I felt him staring at me but I tried hard not to pay him any mind. I wasn't an open book when I'm not okay I'm not gonna open up and talk about it. I always get judged so that's why I'll always keep things to myself.

I threw the rest of the cigarette out once I saw my father walking towards me. I wondered what he had to say was it another insult? Or was he going to stop being an asshole?

"When your ready to change then you can come back to the house, no questions asked stokeley."

"I'm not going to change who I am Father."

"Then kill yourself, your nothing but a worthless faggot people like you don't deserve to live."