「killing me | yuwin」

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yuta sits on the bed with a sheet of paper in front of him. blank. what do i have to say? he thinks. he has a lot to say so he just writes everything. every last detail. 

once the page is filled with all that needed to be said, he folds it up and puts in an empty envelope. signing the front, he sets on his side table. 

he lies back as the flowers consume his airways and he gasps for air. he dry heaves trying to keep the flowers out, but it didn't work. his eyes roll back as all known consciousness is gone. the last thing that he says is "i love you sicheng."

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dear sicheng, 

you may be surprised by this since i absolutely hate writing. if you are reading this, i'm dead. dead because of you. that day at the restaurant, i wasn't lying when i said that you were killing me. you were. i'm dead because of you. my love for you killed me. when i was at the hospital, i found you were the cause of my disease, hanahaki. when i found out, i was surprised. i didn't know who caused it. i found you. i thought back. you were beautiful. when you danced, you were etherial, with all the energy you gave. it was magical. you had a kind heart, cared for everyone and everything. i then understood why i loved you. i accepted it. i didn't get the surgery cause i couldn't lose those feelings for you. i would feel so empty. i now understand why lucas didn't the surgery. he couldn't lose those feelings for jungwoo. i'm sorry i didn't tell you. it hurt to not tell you how much i loved you. to call you beautiful. to hug you. to kiss you. it hurt. 

if fate brings us together in another life, i'll be grateful. i'll visit you in your dreams, beautiful sicheng. i love you and i hope i love you forever.

love, yuta

sicheng reads the letter over and over, unable to understand what this meant. he's dead. he thinks. he couldn't breathe. something felt wrong, about everything. 

he rushes to the hospital, running to the room where yuta once stayed. he pushes through every door and every person to make sure he was okay. he has to be okay. is all sicheng could think of. he finally finds the room and busts through the door. all he sees is chenle, sitting next to an empty bed. 

"i can't believe it was you." is what chenle says. "i can't believe you were the one he loved." sicheng sobs. he can't believe he was really gone. "i'm so sorry, chenle, i had no idea." sicheng chokes out. chenle walks over to him and hugs him.

"it's okay, sicheng." chenle rubs the other's back. "w-what did he mean by lucas? being in love with jungwoo." "lucas didn't die suddenly, he died of hanahaki. after jungwoo said he liked someone else and didn't love him."

"no oh my god, i really killed him." sicheng sobs harder. "it isn't your fault." chenle says. sicheng moves from his arms and walks out the door.

i can't believe that i thought i liked taeil.

i loved him the whole time, but was too blind.

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