Alex pov-
I didn't even realize the tears staining the bottom of the paper..... This was in my sketchbook and I never notice it. I glanced at the date more tears fell from my eyes as I dip my head down I clutch the paper tightly, my mom didn't even live 2 months she passed away 2 weeks later. the doctor said something went with wrong with her treatment and she passed away in her sleep, I take in a shaky breath as my chest burned from the memories.
It hurt my dad and so much that we didn't even leave the hospital that night. A security guard had to escort us out, as my dad was yelled curses at the doctors for failing my mother. I justed stayed quiet that night it broke my heart when I no longer would see my mother anymore and that was night, I had my first breakdown I destroyed my whole room as screamed my lungs out. But my father took her death the worse my father didn't talk to me for weeks we didn't eat dinner with each other anymore we stayed our and room grieving over mom.
I gripped the paper tighter when a memory a horrible memory flashed in my head. It's the same memory, that has scarred me and ruined my father and I relationship.
-Flashback-
It was a Wesnday night my father skipped work and went to the bar all day even though I told him we could talk about it. But he justed told me to leave him alone and go to my room. He always drank his problem away, until he got drunk and passed out anywhere in the trailer. but it was that Wesnday night when my dad didn't come home at his usual time which was 9:37 pm he came home at 3:00 am. which upset me because he woke me out my sleep with his racket, I got up to check on him and my heart fell when I saw him.
My father was sitting on the sofa with a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand. He was holding a pistol in his other hand and a picture of our family was sitting on the coffee table in front of him.....he was drunk with a gun in his hand, my heart fell more when he started to talk about mom "you.....just had to.....leave me...grace...was I... not good enough for you!" my father said snapping at our family's picture my father then bit his lips as tears fell from his face. "I'm....sorry...grace.. I didn't mean to snap out you" he said putting the Jack Daniel's bottle down by the picture, my father stayed quiet for a bit as he picked up the bottle again and took a gulp.
I queitly walked to him I wanted to comfort him but I stopped when he spoke again "I just miss you grace nothing has been the same since you died....your son has started to act differnt he's been wearing long sleeves shirt and jacket all the time even when its hot out he keeps wearing them.... I have feeling that your son isn't taking your death well either." I gripped my sweater and slightly lift it up I softly smiled when I saw a couple cuts on my arm, my father was right I haven't acted the same since my mom left.
Cutting has helped me deal with her death the pain made me happy and the blood that came out was relaxing and comforting. I pulled my sweater down my father didn't even notice me, when me I stood in our small dining area that was by our living room he just contine talking to himself. "Today my job called me when I was at the bar...they fired me grace because they told me that I've been to inoxicated for the pass couple days" my dad clutch the bottle until it shook in his hand.
"It wasn't fault though my job knew that I lost you so why can't I cope by drinking its been helping me since you passed," he said sadly. My dad took another swig of his drink. " grace everything has been shit since you left I lost my job, our son acting diffent and I have feeling that were going to lose this trailer if I don't get a job soon but I don't think anyone would let me because of my intoxcation" my dad explained.
My dad stayed silent again I frowned half of me didn't want to go near him because he was drunk and he had a gun in his hand. I didn't want him to accidentally shoot me, " dad" I said but he didn't say anything he was staring at the pistol " dad" I said a little bit louder my dad blinked some tears away and turned his attention to me he then glared when he saw me. " didn't I fucking tell you to go to your room" he said coldly "yeah but I ju-" my dad then cut me off by throwing the Jack Daniel's bottle at me I quickly moved out the way and flinch when I heard the bottle shatter behind me.
" then go to your fucking room Alex leave me the hell alone I'm busy," he said no longer looking at me. But I didn't go to my room I stayed and watch my father fall apart over his wife death he placed the pistol at his head, " dad stop let me take you to bed you need some rest" I said sligtly walking to him my dad swungs his head at me his face was filled with rage " god dammit Alex I don't need fucking rest stop bothering me and go to your damn room already" he said angrily. I backed up from his words. My dad's eyes soften when he realizes what he said "Alex I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said your not bothering me you never bother me it just I miss mom so much" he said sadly.
I went to the couch and sat by him my father still clutch the gun to his head his finger was slowly pressing on the trigger. I gently place my hand on the hand he's holding the gun my dad body stiffen, " I miss her too dad but killing yourself isn't going bring her back it just going to make me lose another parent" I explained sadly. My dad stared at me tears rolling down his face he then removed the pistol from the side of his head and at it. "if you were in your room I would have pulled this trigger and joined your mother" he stated we stayed silent for a bit "but your mom wouldn't want would she?" he asked. I nod my head no and give him a hug as I slowly took the pistol out of his hand my dad and I ended up sleeping on the sofa that night as the pistol sat by our family picture.
-End Of Flashback-
Even though I stopped my father from killing himself that night he still continues to try end his life. Every time I did help him he only got angry at me, one day my help pushed him over the edge, that he actually took his anger out on me by beating me. He didn't feel sorry about it either it made him feel better..... apparently. My dad then found another way to cope with his wife's death he started to bring females home every night to satifying his lost and lust. I was soon snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a knock on my door I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and folded my mom's letter and put it back on the table.
Samatha open my door and peeked her head in "I wanted to tell you, Alex, the young man that brought you here is coming to visit you" she said smiling she didn't even notice that I was crying. I give her a slight nod Samatha then leaves my room, I sligtly smiled and stared out the window I couldn't wait to see Jason again.
