nothing but a nightmare.

One Year After They Met.

* Chapter Four *
* Diary Entry Two *

03|22|15
8:45 am

it's officially been one year since i met Chris.. and six months since he asked me to be his girlfriend. after like a month of us being friends, i realized he was my best friend. everything was so good. whenever we were together, we would enjoy each others presence like it was the best thing in the world. nothing but smiles, laughs, and good vibes.

i noticed that when we spend time together, even still to this day, he doesn't really go on his phone around me. he'll pick it up now and then and checks his notifications, but he never gets on it. he never gets on facebook, instagram, snapchat, etc.. although it sounds funny, it doesn't really bother me. he's always posting me. i'm his cover photo on facebook, and his profile picture on facebook & IG. everybody knows my names all over that.

it's just weird because everyone is attached to their phones now a days. he told me that he rather spend time with me, than social media. i appreciate that. we're very public on social media, but we aren't public with our relationship. neither of us run to social media when we're arguing, we don't bash each other on social media, and nobody ever knows when we argue. we try to keep our business to ourself, because being 17 in a relationship is hard.. especially with the world trying to beat you both down.

September 22, 2014. that's the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. he did it in the cutest way.. we went to the mall, and he made me pick out an outfit, and a pair of shoes to match. then, we went to red lobster. i love sea food, and he knows that. we got our food, we both eat, and then we order desert. we both order our stuff, and 5 minutes later our waitress comes walking out.. she brought a plate with a tiny gift box on it.

Chris looked at me, and he started smiling.

" you look so beautiful when you're nervous "

i still don't know what's going on, at the time he was just my bestfriend. i did have a major crush on him, but i never told him. i didn't think he felt the same way.

the waitress sets the plate down, and walks away. he looks at me, and grins

" open it, it's for you. "

i open the box, and it's a rose gold chain with his name on it. i looked at him, and my jaw dropped. he started laughing,

" Queen Naija Bulls, will you be my girlfriend? "

i started crying, i wanted to scream. that was the cutest thing that anyone has ever done for me.. and its not even about the chain. it's the effort he put into it. the thought. the time. the love.

" yes, i'd love to "

tears started rolling down my cheeks, and he wiped them away. he leaned across the table, and he kissed me. it was the best feeling ever, i waited a whole six months for that moment.. i wanted to his him since the day i met him. his lips have always been my favorite part, so big, pink, and juicy.

but, after that. things kinda went downhill. he hasn't turned into the worst person, but he stated to lack effort. he doesn't try as hard as he used to.

he still does little things. at least once a week, he brings me roses. each week of the month has its own color, and i love it.

but, when i tell him he's doing something i don't like, he doesn't change it.

when he gets upset with me, he raises his voice and talks to me like i'm a dog. i've told him time after time that i do not appreciate that, and i'd like him to stop. but he continues to do it.

he doesn't appreciate the things i do for him. things like wash his clothes, clean up his room, make his bed, rub his back so he can fall asleep, and so much more.

it's never enough for him when he's mad. he tells me what he does for me.. always. it's always " i bought you this, i got you this, " but he knows i don't have materialistic things to offer.. i give him what i can, when i have extra money i spend it on him. but i try to do things that dont need money. i try to make him happy, and it never seems to be enough.

sometimes i wonder if maybe i'm doing it to myself.. does he appreciate me, and i just don't think he does? some people aren't used to showing emotion. or appreciation. some people don't know how to express their feelings in a healthy way.

i know it's something i can change.. i know i can pull those feelings out of him. we're only six months in. we haven't even hit a year yet, he probably just needs me to show him that i'm not everyone else..

when he makes me cry, he holds me and tells me he's sorry. when he makes me mad, he tries to fix it.

but i feel like some things just shouldn't repeat itself..

the first time he made me cry, he should have realized that raising his voice to me hurts my feelings.

it shouldn't happen over, & over again, and then covered up by comforting me.

i tell him this all the time, and he promises me he's going to work on it. sometimes i feel like he's trying to change, and sometimes i feel like it's just gettin worse..

at this point, i really think we may have been better off as best friends..

but i'm going to stick it out, and see if he can actually change for me. i've grown so much love for him in the past year, i can't let little things break us.

i gotta remember he's still young, he's still a kid. i can't expect grown man behavior from him.. not yet.