Last Goodbyes (I warn you, Niall is in it) :)

"Night daddy" I whispered in a soft, shaky breath, like I do every night.

"I love you." I half smiled before glancing at his picture one more time. "You're always my angel."

July, 24, 2000 *Flashback*

"Daddy? Why are you dressed like army?" I asked twiddling my stubby six year old fingers.

"I'm just going on a little trip, see you in a few days, okay Claire Bear?" He said messing my hair up as I giggled.

"Bye daddy, I love you" I whispered into his ear as I hugged him. He squeezed a little harder than usual.

"Bye princess" He mumbled back into my hair.

"Bye hunny" He smiled funny at my mom, like his face was going to fall off.

She started crying, shaking her entire body as she stood in front of him.

"Do you really have to go??" She asked, choking on the last word and covering her mouth with her fist. 

"It's only for few days mommy" I said rolling my eyes. How dramatic of her.

She smiled through tears, "Of course, sweetie."

"Bye" We waved to daddy as he boarded the bus full of his friends dressed like him. I guess it was a early Halloween party.

We waited days, weeks, even months for daddy.

I called and sent letters that mom helped me write.

Daddy just never came back.

First letter (Written at Age 7) July, 26, 2003

Dear Daddy,

Mommy said I should always start my letters like that. She said it's proper. I still don't know what that means.

She's helping me write this! I'm using the computer! There's a machine that spits my words from the computer onto the paper you are reading!

The computer has a fancy button board. Mommy calls it a keyboard. I think it should be called the letter-button-board.

How's your trip? Good I hope. We miss you. A lot.

Yesterday was my birthday. I went to the park with mom and we met a boy named Niall. He just moved from Ireland to Canada!

Mommy showed me on the map where he is from. It is far! Far away!

I played with Niall all day and he and his mommy came over for lunch at our house. He eats a lot for a little boy. He had almost seven sandwiches and four of mommy's famous chocolate chip cookies!

They are a very nice family. They talk funny though. It doesn't sound like us. He says funny words too, like bloke and knackered. He called me a bird. He's silly, I can't fly!

But I like him anyways.

Mom got me a surprise today, Patches. He's a puppy!

I have to go now, Niall is calling on the phone.

Bye Daddy!

Love, Claire Bear

37th letter (Written age 7, almost 8) July, 24, 2004

Dear Daddy,

Why haven't you answered me? It's been a year since you left.

Niall is my bestest friend

He lives just down the street! Did I tell you that already?

We play together almost everyday, sometimes Patches joins us

We played dolls yesterday. He didn't really like it, so we played in the mud instead. I made him eat my mud pie. He said it was gross.

He's sick today, he's been throwing up. Maybe he ate too much? Or maybe it was the pie.

I made him a card and me and mommy are making him soup later. I hope he gets better soon. I want to take him to the bakery we used to go to all the time. The one with the really good vanilla cakes.

Mommy said she finished chopping the chicken and veggies for Niall's soup.

Bye Daddy! I miss you!

Lots of love, Claira

My final letter (Age 12) March, 15, 2006

Dear Dad,

I've been writing to you since you first left. I don't think I can carry this one anymore. You haven't answered me once and you never return my calls.

I thought you loved me.

Mom said you went into the army and if you are alive, and you're reading this, I'm letting you know that this is my last letter.

I hope you come back every night before I sleep but you never do or did.

I love you, dad.

I wish you could've meet my best friends, Niall and Patches.

I talk about you to Niall all the time.

He says you sound fun.

His dad plays soccer with me and Niall. Just like you used to.

Bye dad

-Claire Bear