Rain Down On Me

Rain Finale

Three Weeks Later

Blue and I stood in the outside as the rain started to pour and the thunder boomed. My heart was beating 95 mph. It hard to standing look him in his face without crying. This boy really had my heart. But he messed up and lost me to many times. The way he looks at me makes me melt every time. That why it's always been hard to walk away from him.

He had been hitting me up repeatedly trying to get me back. I blocked him but he still finds a way to contact me. So I just asked him to meet me at this place to get closure. I can't keep holding on to something that is dead.

I said " Look at me and tell me you want nothing to do with me. Please just say it so I can at least walk away."

He said, " I can't do that. And you know I can't.

I said, " Well let me go then. I have a good man waiting for me but I'm scared to move on because of you. I've given you all of me. Every single ounce but you don't care. You don't care that I went to sleep crying out for you to hear my heartbreak. I just want you to see me and love me the way I should be loved but you can't do that. You can't love me. In your twisted mind, you think you love me but you don't. I stood by you through it all."

He said, " I do love you. More than anyone I have ever loved. Don't stand here and front like I had it easy to love you. I had to battle with having my child in my life because of you. I had to risk losing my career because of you. I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to be with anyone else. Damn near lost my mind for you. I just wanted to hold you. Seeing you sad and crying and me being the one to cause it breaks me. Then seeing you with that other nigga. And you happy with him make me feel dead inside."

I said, " Were you there for me like Austin was? Whether or not we were talking were you there? No Austin been there holding me up. Keeping me sane. Loving me publicly and privately. He want to have a life with me. And he willing to fight for me. You know he literally broke down in tears when he found out I cheated with you. He loves me and I love him. I'm done loving you. You are not worth me losing myself or feeling less than myself. Why should I block the opportunity that I have at a healthy relationship for you. Someone who still to this day lies on my name and does not claim me. Do you know how much of a fool I would look like if I went back to you. Like a idiot who is desperate. And that not what I am. Plus you haven't been here for me. Even though I told Austin about what happened between us. He still has been here for me. Not caring that he and I aren't together. He knew that I needed a friend to help me with the fact that my brother the only guy who has been there for me since day one died. He was taken away from me. And where were you at? You knew Eagle and knew how much he meant to me. You didn't even have the balls to reach out. I was literally destroying myself because I felt guilty about being with you instead of being at the hospital. I was having sex with you when my brother was being brung to the hospital. Had Morado blowing my phone up and me not answering. And what makes it even worst is that I can't put the blame all on you."

The tears were like a river now. I can't control my emotions right now. I want to punch him in the face but also want to just feel his hands on my body. I am the one that is messed up. I am giving this man to much power over me. He has shown me plenty of time he didn't want me. And I'm didn't care I wanted him. So I would make myself feel less to feel more with him. But it didn't work. So I have to be done.

I looked at him one last time and just walked away. I told myself not to look back because that would give him hope. So I didn't look back I just kept on moving forward. I got in my car and just let the tears roll down. I got a called in the midst of me crying I didn't even see who it was I just answered.

I said, " Hello,"

It was Austin.

He said, " Babe, are you okay?"

I said, " Yeah I just got closure and it hurts but I have a great man who I love and will forever love. I'm glad I met you. And I really love you. I looked down to hang up the phone when I seen lights speeding towards me. I lost control of the car and the rain was come down pretty hard. I don't know what happened next. I just know that I am a better man.

Rain is likely to cleanse me. So if the rain comes I hope it rain down on me. Maybe the rain will take away all the pain that is there or maybe it will still treat my heart like it's a love affair. Holding on to a love that was never there pulling myself along out of fear. Fear of being along and misguided. Fear of no one being able to love me so I settle. Fear of push the one person that was for me away because I was scared of love. So if the rain come let it fall. Let it drape me in water as my heart wants to grow fonder. Just let the rain come down. And hopefully I am found. Just Rain Down On Me.