Suicidal Seven

Hazel~Hate

idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish

Hazel hated herself. She hated how short she was. She hated the color of her skin. She hated her hair, her eyes, her curves, everything. Most of all she hated the thing that she was. Hazel was a monster. Instead of raising the dead, she could raise cursed riches from deep within the Earth.

She was a curse to everything she touched. Everything would only ever wither and die at her fingertips. And she hated it.

She hated that she could control the Mist. It was like solving a problem by covering it up. It felt so wrong and she hated it. She hated herself for doing it.

She hadn't eaten in several days. She used the Mist to make it look like she did so as not to concern the others on the ship. She used it to alter her appearance slightly so she looked okay, when in reality she was a wreck.

She was starting to feel really weak and she knew no matter how much of the Mist she manipulated, that Frank could sense it. So she avoided him. She knew she was hurting him and she hated it, but it had to be done. He couldn't find out.

Maybe another day or two and she would die. She was past hunger at this point. Just weak. Everything hurt. She wanted to hate it, but it was a relief.

She had been minding her own business most of the day, getting lost in her own thoughts, when Frank finally found her in the stables. "Hazel! I have been looking all over for you! What is going on?" She didn't answer him, instead trying to push past him and get away.

"Hazel-" "Leave me alone, Frank," she said harshly. He looked taken aback and she felt bad. She was so stupid. Why did she always have to hurt the people she loved?

"Hazel, talk to me. What's going on?" Frank just wouldn't quit. "Frank, it's nothing," she said, turning back to face him. She was feeling worse by the second. Nausea built up and the room started spinning.

"Haze, you alright?" Frank questioned, but his face was just a blur. She took a stumbling step toward him before collapsing. Frank lunged for her and caught his unconscious girlfriend before she hit the ground.

And just like that the Mist melted away and Frank saw the real Hazel. Her skin was ashy and pale, her lips chapped and peeling. Her hair was damp with sweat and her cheeks were hollow. "Oh my gods," Frank muttered, gathering her into his arms and hurrying to sick bay. On his way, he ran through a list in his head of the best people to help him in this situation. He settled on Annabeth.

"Annabeth!" He called. He set Hazel down on one of the three cots and waited. Annabeth came skidding to a stop in the doorway, eyes filled with panic. "What happened?" She asked, seeing Hazel and rushing forward.

"I don't know," Frank said miserably. "She just collapsed."

Annabeth checked her pulse, then rested a hand on her forehead. She got that thoughtful look on her face. "When is the last time you've seen her eat something?" Annabeth questioned.

"Um, every meal? I sit right beside her, I think I would know if-" "No I mean, really see her eat food."

Frank considered it, but it was getting harder and harder for him to recall. "She used the Mist!" he realized. Annabeth nodded sadly. "From the looks of it she hasn't been eating properly for two-ish weeks. She's very malnourished."

Before Frank knew it he was on the floor. "Frank, you okay?" Annabeth asked. She was on her knees in front of him. He realized he'd fallen. "Yeah I'm fine. I just can't believe-" "I know."

After they'd gotten Hazel hooked up to an IV and made sure everything else was fine, Annabeth left Frank alone with her. Frank fell asleep on the next cot over not long after that.

"Frank?" Frank woke up to Hazel's soft voice. Sunlight poured in from the window and Hazel blinked her eyes lazily. She tried to lift her head, but ended up back against the pillow. "Frank, what happened?"

Frank quickly moved to sit with her on her cot. "Haze, why haven't you been taking care of yourself?"

She looked down at the IV in her arm. Her eyes welled with tears. "I just...I hate...everything. About myself. And I wish-"

"Hey," he interrupted, taking her face in his hands. "I love everything about you. Every single little thing. I love your smile, the way your golden eyes glitter in the sun and glow in the dark. And I love the way you kiss me because you're everything I could ever want.

"I love how short you are because when I hug you, you fit in my arms perfectly. I love your laugh because it's musical. I love the color of your skin because it's so whole and beautiful and you positively glow when you smile."

Hazel offered a weak smile. "You can stop now Frank." He just took that as a challenge. He smiled back and continued.

"I love the way you fight because you, Hazel Levesque, are a badass. I love your powers, but those gems could never rival your beauty. And those diamonds could never be as strong as you. You are so beautiful and strong and caring and just amazing. Hazel, please love yourself as much as I love you."

Hazel's cheeks were rosy and she didn't think she'd ever smiled so wide in her life. Tears were streaming from her eyes, but she tried to think of it as her soul cleansing itself of all the hateful thoughts. She leaned into Frank's chest and took his big hand in her small one.

"I'll try," she said.