Suicidal Seven

Annabeth~Pride

Bellyache by Billie Eilish

She didn't know what she was thinking when she did it. It was just an impulse thing. When they killed the monster and it left behind the spoil of war that happened to be a vial of the poison it carried, she'd snatching it up and slipped it in her pocket.

Nobody questioned her. They trusted her the most out of everyone to take care of it. They shouldn't have.

Percy gave her a weird look but she ignored him. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

Some people don't understand depression. She understood depression, she had it. She also did her research, but that's besides the point. People think being depressed is the same as being sad. It's not.

Being depressed is not wanting to wake up in the morning. It's too much work to get out of bed, what's the point, anyway?

It's not enjoying your favorite things anymore. Not wanting to be around your favorite people. It's about feeling hopeless, sad, tired, self-loathing, isolated, and anxious all. the. time. She suspects her pride is a big part of this as well.

Sure, some days are better than others, but it's not like depression is just a one day thing. It's all the time.

Annabeth knows Percy can sense it. She hates herself for not telling him and letting him help her, but she doesn't want to drag him down. She doesn't want to be a burden.

So she lets him guess. She lets him assume. He knows her well enough anyway.

"Hey, you okay?" He asks her as they head back down to the mess hall. She nods and gives him a smile. She's gotten awfully good at pretending.

He nods, eyeing her suspiciously, and puts his arm around her shoulder.

They all gather in the mess hall for a meal. They laugh and talk. She laughs and talks. The vial is burning a hole in her pocket.

"It's my watch first, right?" She asked.

"Uh...yeah," Leo answered distractedly. She glanced longingly at the stairs leading to the deck, but Hedge was there now. She'd have to wait.

Luckily, Percy and Jason were having a heated(humorous it seemed) argument, and he hadn't noticed her question. He'd probably get the correct impression. She reprimanded herself. She had to be more careful. She couldn't leave clues.

She managed to wait patiently until her watch. She kicked Hedge out and told him to get some sleep. She stood at the helm for a few minutes, making sure no one else would come back up.

Then she took a shaky breath and took the vial out of her pocket. The sun had set so it was just her and the vial, in the dark. She hadn't realized she'd started to cry.

She popped the cork off the top and brought it to her lips. "I love you, Percy," she whispered.

She started to tip it back when suddenly it wasn't in her hand. Startled, she stumbled back to see Percy, eyes wide and scared. He had knocked the vial out of her hands.

"Percy," she whispered. "Shhh," he said, wrapping her in a tight, comforting hug. "Shhh."

Percy helped her sit down and then scooped her into his lap. She didn't know how long they sat like that. At one point, Coach Hedge came pounding up the stairs, all fit to yell at them(probably because he saw Percy's cabin door open and he was gone). But then he saw them, how Percy was holding Annabeth and how Annabeth was sobbing quietly, and he left just as quickly.

Percy talked in low, soothing tones for hours. He didn't want to leave Annabeth alone with her thoughts and she appreciated this.

They talked back and forth and Annabeth finally opened up to Percy about her depression and confirmed a lot of things for him. She explained certain things to the best of her ability and he listened.

She was afraid he'd be mad at her for keeping the information to herself, but he assured her that he was so so glad she'd told him.

She also lost count of how many times Percy told her he loved her. Towards the beginning, she would try to deflect these comments and defile his claims of love. She was not worth such a pure thing.

But he convinced her otherwise. He didn't stop trying to help her understand that she was worth it and that he loved her so much. She would start crying tears for different reasons and she'd finally say that she loved him to, and thank you.

Hazel was the one to come onto the deck the next morning. Annabeth wasn't crying anymore, but she needed some time. Percy told Hazel that they were going to take a day, and she nodded.

Percy left for the stables with Annabeth in his arms, blissfully leaning her head on his chest. They left the broken vial on the deck for someone else to clean up, the poison rotting the boards. Surely Leo and the crew would understand.

So they sat together in the stables the entire day, watching the cities and the seas blur together and past, through the glass doors. They dined on blue cookies and soda and cuddled with piles of blankets and pillows, telling stories and overall enjoying each other's presence.

"I love you, Wise Girl," Percy whispered to her.

"I love you, too, Seaweed Brain," she answered.