A Little Lethal

| Chapter 9 |destruction|

It's hard to trust
When your heart's been broken times before.
You pull the curtains and you lock the doors,
Swear you'll never go out anymore.
I know that in the dark
There's a fear of letting go.

~~

After his experience in the kitchen, cleaning the toilets was a huge let down. He was all alone, left to his thoughts in the dirty washrooms which smelled of days of unwashed faeces.

He tried to concentrate on the toilets and the putrid smell, but his mind kept diverting back to Jasper.

Kyros wanted to see him and he didn't understand why when they had just parted a few hours ago. He wanted to see the freckles on Jasper's face and he wanted to hear his voice.

He was missing Jasper.

It felt weird to be missing someone, it felt weird when the feeling invaded his mind from nowhere, it definitely felt weird when he smiled looking at the dirty toilet thinking of Jasper's laugh.

But it also felt nice.

It felt like something refreshing from the same old cycle of misery and desolation. It felt like skydiving from a jet, all the fears left behind in the sky. It felt like he was going mad.

He welcomed this madness.

But he had promised himself not to act on it, he had to suppress his feelings till Jasper was comfortable enough to discuss them, till if was safe to discuss them.

He would wait till Jasper was ready.

Before that step however, he had to figure out how deep he wanted it to go. He had long ago stopped trying to resist the fact that he liked his cell mate and the talk with Drew and Adam had been an eye opener.

He knew he would have to restrict his feeling to like only. He only imagined how dangerous it would be if the feelings ever went to love. It had always ended in disaster.

Kyros was too familiar with disasters.

So he wouldn't let the feelings get that deep.

He would have to explain to Jasper what his expectations were and what he wanted, make an agreement with him. If Jasper ever got to the stage where he fell for Kyros, he would have to terminate their relationship.

Even though Kyros hated how the whole thing sounded like a business deal, he knew it was for the best. He really liked Jasper and wanted to cherish what they were developing.

It had been a long time since he had loved anyone, even platonically, but he remembered how the family he loved had been destroyed due to love and selfishness.

The orphanage had been the only home he had ever known. The children living there were his brothers and sisters. After the accident, after his memories were taken, it was the only home he knew.

The only memory he had of his parents and his life before the accident was a language he dreaded to use.

Even though he had forgotten, he had heard stories of what he had done, hears them whispered around the halls by the elders when they thought he wasn't around. He had dug for the newspaper that contained his story in the dusty attic.

The words on the old, mouldy page still chilled his bones.

He had destroyed his family.

When later, he had refused to believe the stories and the rumours and had gone ahead and loved anyway, he had destroyed another man.