Stay || c.h. *completed & editing*

Chapter 16.

Dear Ellie,

I'm so sorry. I can't believe this happened.

It hurts so bad, walking in to the hospital room everyday and seeing your lifeless body laying there, slowly slipping away from me every second that your eyes are still closed.

It's been 2 weeks, as of today and you still haven't budged. It hurts just thinking about what could have happened if your dad hadn't found you in your room.

I didn't see how you were when you were found, which was probably a good thing. I only saw in your room that no one had cleaned up after the mess you made, the blood stains on the floor, the empty bottles and pills spread around everywhere. Even your music was still playing when I walked in.

I knew I shouldn't have ignored that call. I knew it was stupid to let it ring even though I was looking at my phone in front of me, the calls clearly coming from you. I didn't know what I was thinking. I guess I was scared of whatever you were going to say to me, and I didn't want to face it. And even now I'm trying not to hate myself but it's hard knowing that if you don't wake up, that phone call that I refused to answer because I'm such a fucking coward would be the cause of your death.

I don't know what I'm even saying. I guess if you're reading this then that means that you've woken up and I'm out of the room for whatever reason. I guess I should just catch you up on everything that's been going on.

Your dad was the one who found you in your room. He called an ambulance right away. He's been a mess, thinking it was all his fault. I've tried telling him that it isn't, (because technically it's my fault) but he isn't having it. I don't think I've ever seen him in such an awful state.

Your mom is pretty worried too. I can tell she's trying to keep it together for my sake, and your dad's sake and probably everyone else's but I know she's close to bursting soon. I can tell by the way she looks at you laying on the hospital bed. I mean, you were her only daughter left, she's already lost one. And she's really close to losing another.

Alex is worried too. He had to close down the tattoo shop and come here, he hasn't had it opened since you slipped into your coma. He's been sitting and mostly comforting your parents, and me sometimes. I haven't really been letting him though.

I know he means well, but I can't just let him sit there and tell me it isn't my fault when it is. Nobody else has really come around here, I guess there hasn't really been a whole lot of people in your life. And I can't tell you how much worse and worse I feel, how much hope I lose every second that your eyes are still closed and your body isn't moving.

The doctors said that if you don't wake up within a few days, then you're probably not going to wake up at all. And honestly the thought of losing you is scaring me shitless. Of course, it hurt when you broke up with me but I never imagined it would go this far. I never imagined that I could actually lose you and never get you back like this.

The doctors also said that you can hear everything I say to you. And I've been begging you everyday since you've been laying on that bed to wake up. I've been apologizing like I've never apologized before, sobbing harder than I ever have before. It just can't register in my mind how badly I screwed up this time, how badly it hurts that you're so close to being gone and all I have left is just hope that you wake up soon.

Please, please wake up Ellie. You mean everything to me.

Love,

Calum.

~~~

Dear Ellie,

Your mom finally broke down and cried today. I can't help but feel like such a fucking idiot. This is all my fault. If I'd just answered that stupid phone call.

It's all my fault that this happened. If I hadn't been such a fucking idiot and just answered the phone then none of this would have happened.

The doctors said that if you don't wake up within 3 days they're taking you off life support and there's nothing they can do. I swear I'm going to die if that happens. I can't function, live or breathe or anything without you. You were my everything, my whole world. And you're about to be taken from me forever.

It hurts so bad. I can't even cry anymore. I can only sit next to your hospital bed everyday and hope and hope and hope for you to wake up. It hurts too deeply within me that the tears just won't come out anymore. I've tried to cry, I just can't.

I know you can hear me. I know you can hear me pleading everyday to wake up. I can't go on without you, Ellie.

Love,

Calum.

~~~

Dear Ellie,

This can't be happening.

Tomorrow is the day that they take you off life support. I can't even think straight. I'm just so scared of losing you that I'm unable to even begin to consider what life will be like without you, knowing that I'm the reason you're gone.

I know there's still a little hope, but it's barely there. I've been waiting for 2 weeks now. Alex is still waiting for you to wake up. He still hasn't opened up the tattoo shop again. Your dad is worse than I am, practically blaming himself for not seeing this coming. And your mom... She's not even functioning. She's been zoning out, a dead look in her eyes for the past week. I know she blames herself, for making you break up with me but it's not her fault. It's mine.

I was sitting next to your bed yesterday and I was playing songs from my iPod for you while I was holding your hand and talking to you again. I know you can hear me. I know you can hear my pleading to wake up.

Lotus Flower came on and that's when I could finally cry again. And now all I've been able to think about is every single memory I have with you, every little thing we did together. Making out in my car to Radiohead on your birthday, getting our matching tattoos, stealing my parents' liquor and climbing up to my roof, when we talked about the future and the stars above us and I asked you to be my girlfriend. That day that you went with me to a family wedding and we ditched it from the drama and we went to my house. And the way you looked so beautiful in front of me with the slow music playing and the lights down low, candles lit when you gave me your virginity. I can't tell you how many times in my mind I've played over how beautiful your entire body was, not in just a lustful way but a way that I may never get to see your glowing skin that perfect and beautiful ever again.

For God's sake, Ellie, just please wake up. I can't live without you.

Love,

Calum.

~~~

A/N: so idk how long this was, my laptop was freaking out and being stupid so I had to update from my iPod.

omg this gave me so bad of chest pains, Calum is so sad :((

trying to double update tonight, if not then definitely tomorrow

(sorry for the cliffhanger last time and kinda this time too, and for taking so long to update)