Cough Syrup || l.h

Chapter 1: Post Traumatic Nightmares

I just kind of sat there not knowing what to do. I couldn't think of anyone to call, I couldn't think of anywhere to go, or anyhting to do. I was stuck. Stuck on an image. An unrealistic image that filled my brain with pure hatred towards myself. "Skinny." is what the image told me. "You have to be skinny". My friends told me I was fine. That I was perfect the way I was, but I didn't believe that for one second. I know what I look like and I'm not perfect the way I am. The only thing is, that I have tried. I have done everything. I worked out, took pills, hell I even starved myself for a while. Thats when my parents found out. The only thing that was somewhat working for me, and I got caught.

They put me in a special program to get my eating habits back to normal. It didn't work. Why would I listen to some middle aged woman about eating habits. I liked the way I looked and she was keeping me from being who I wanted to be. Eventually I did get back to my normal eating habits. Then after about 2 weeks I had gained every pound back that I had lost. My friends knew about my issues, but quite frankly I don't think any of them cared. I mean I did only have a few friends but still, they probably just felt bad out of pity.

I couldn't call Luke because I was scared he would judge me. I couoldn't call Milly because she would get emotional, and I didn't need that. I couldn't call Calum because he was busy, and I couldn't call Jess because she would come to my house and try to stop me. The only other person I could call was Kayla my older sister, but I don't think that she really gives a shit about me.

I was going to do it. I was ready. I didn't like myself and I was okay with hurting myself and my friends and "family" because of it. One gulp. That all I had to take to end it all. One sip and it would all dissapea-

Then I woke up. Drenched in sweat from the memories that haunted my dreams. I sat up in bed and cried and called Luke. I dialed his number and let it ring for a while. Thats when I looked at the clock and saw the time. 2:38 AM. He wouldn't answer me so I just hung up the phone. I layed back down and closed my eyes terrified that the nightmares would repeat themselves like they always did. Thats when my phone rang. I looked at the caller i.d which had a picture of a blonde hair, blue eyed boy with the caption Luke the Loser (It was an inside joke). I picked up the phone to hear his groggy sleepy voice.

"Emma?" He said

"Hey" I said with my voice still stuffy from crying.

"Whats up? Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fi... actually i'm not okay." I said wiping a single tear from my cheek.

"Nightmares? Again?"

"Yeah. I jus-"

"Emma you really need to see someone about that" He said as I sighed.

"Luke do you honestly think I called you for you just to tell me that I need help?"

"I know I'm sorry"

"Is there anyway you could come over?"

"Em its 2:40"

"I know that was a dumb question...sorry"

"You know what crack your balcony door open. I'll be there in 5" He said as I smiled.

"Alright cya"

I got up and I cracked open my balcony door letting a whirl of cold air into my room. I sat back down on my bed and curled up in my covers and waited for Luke to get here. I felt bad that he had to drive over here this late, but honestly I needed someone, and he is my best friend. I couldn't go back to sleep alone knowing that I would proably suffer another nightmare. It was about 3 am when I thought that maybe Luke ditched the idea of coming over and stayed home after all. I was getting up to close my door when I heard the breaks of lukes old car pulling up in my drive way. He stepped out of his car and waved up at me and he climbed up the ladder we built to my balcony that we had built as kids. It probaly wasn't a smart idea to climb up that ladder, but hey you cant be old and wise without being young and stupid. He got up into my room and without saying anything he wrapped me in his arms after seeing how swollen my face was from crying. He rubbed my back and shut my door as we walked over to sit on the edge of my bed. He looked at me and sighed while putting his arm around me.

"Ahhhh Emma...what am I gonna do with you?" He said worriedly.