When Rayne Falls (Work in Progress)

When Rayne Falls- Chapter Twenty-One

Demetri's POV

Sunday was quiet and uneventful. The following Monday came quickly, with me not speaking much to either Rayne nor Jace. I hoped things wouldn't be weird when we got back to school.

I walked into the cafeteria early that morning, which is what I usually did before classes. I saw Jace sitting alone, which was strange because he picked Rayne up every morning. I walked over and signed.

Hey, you here alone?

"Obviously." he said with a smile. "Rayne's staying home today, he's not feeling well." He answered, and looked down at his hands, something obviously bothering him. When his gaze met mine again, I signed.

Are you two doing okay?

"Yeah, I said he's not feeling well." Jace answered, annoyance creeping into his voice. I could tell there was something more he wasn't telling me, but I didn't push it seeing as he'd probably bite my head off. I left him alone to head to my classes.

The day flew by, and Shelby and I sat together for lunch, trying to fall into a comfortability with each other. She seemed happy. Really happy. Maybe she hadn't been so in love with me. Or maybe she had been. Either way, I was so grateful that she was happy and moving on, even if it meant I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. It was my own fault, after all.

As weird as it was to no longer be with her, I found there were a few things I enjoyed about being single.

The first being I had an infinite amount of peace and solitude. In the past, when we would be at my house, we'd have conversations for hours, mine silent, her keeping up with my ASL. Now, I could pick whatever movies I wanted to watch. I could listen to any music she may not have loved before. I could lay in bed for hours doing nothing. I could sleep without texting her goodnight or I love you.

Come to think of it, I don't think I enjoyed being alone. I think I was fooling myself into believing it, though.

Something that I hadn't expected was the anxiety that came with a break-up. There were thoughts that had never bothered me before, creeping up on me at the worst times. Thoughts like now that she left you, you'll always be alone, and she's going to move on and you're going to regret losing the only person who has ever loved you.

These thoughts were painful. I tried to remind myself that it would have been far worse to stay with someone out of a fear of not being loved than to be alone and not pretending to be in love. I didn't even know if I made sense anymore.

Outside of anxiety and loneliness, there was a primal need to be close to someone, if only to feel their warmth near me. Longing was not new to me, I was familiar with the feeling of desire and a need for the comfort of having someone to hold. But when I was with Shelby, sex was such a small fraction of the two and a half years we spent together. Sex was so new to me, even when we did break up. And now I found myself longing for a stronger level of closeness, to feel someone's lips against mine again, to feel them holding me, to feel their breath on my skin. I desired the intimacy of truly, fully knowing a person to their core and having them know me. My problem was that the same face popped into my mind every time I closed my eyes. And that was an entirely different dilemma on its own.

After school I decided to pick up soup and a sandwich from Panera and check on Rayne. I hadn't spoken to him yet today, but I figured if he wasn't feeling well I could at least bring him something to help.

When I arrived at his house his mom's car wasn't in the driveway, so I parked and went up to ring the bell. Thirty seconds later, Rayne opened the door.

He looked exhausted, the circles that I was used to seeing under his eyes a little darker today. His hair was disheveled, but of course he still looked wonderful. He was in dark blue sweatpants and a black sweatshirt, but he wrapped his arms around himself as the cold February air hit him.