Jen's Diary

The Silence of the Night

Connor came home with his heart in his throat. His bag was pulled tightly to his body, his knuckles white. He was soaking wet. He had not bothered to pull his hood up to protect himself. His mother gave him a look of concerned. Questions spilled from her mouth, full of worry and fear for him. He considered telling her for a moment. He thought about laying everything on the floor. The harassment, the stares, the pain. But it was just for a moment. Instead, lies flowed from his mouth, dripping sweet poison.

I'm fine. He murmured

I'm not fine, please see that.

I'm just tired. His smile was tight.

I can't take this, I'm tired of the pain.

I'm okay, nothing's wrong. Everything was wrong. Nothing was ever going to be right again.

I want to die.

But his silent pleas weren't heard. A smile and a hug later, she was walking away, back to the kitchen. He watched her go for a moment before continuing on to his room. Each step felt like climbing a mountain.

He lay in his bed, unmoving. He could hear his parents yelling downstairs. His chest shook with every breath and he curled tighter and tighter. His parents' voices pounded in his ears. No matter how loud his music was, he couldn't drown out the heartbroken cries of his mother and the frustrated growls of his father. He yanked his headphones off and threw them away. His hands rushed to his ears, pressing down to the point of pain. The yelling downstairs abruptly stopped and a door was slammed, but the screaming in his head drowned everything else out. He just wanted it to be quiet, he wanted everything to stop.

The blade in his drawer was a deadly temptation. One he struggled to resist. The drawer flew open, a pale hand stretched out. A blade picked up.

In the dead silence of the night, old scars became new.