We're Gonna Try Something New Today (Fransykes)

I Bite My Tongue So You Don't Hear Me

Josh's POV

"Josh, would you like to answer the question?" My math teacher asked me.

I had no idea what we were doing. "Well, not particularly. But I guess I really don't have a choice, do I?"

The teacher's face twitched with frustration. "No you don't," he said dangerously calm.

I looked at the problem on the board. "57," I replied, bullshitting my way through the problem. Surprised that I was right, I went back into my thoughts.

I was interrupted by the loud talking and shuffling as class ended. I quickly grabbed my stuff and got out of that wretched class. After I had shoved my stuff into my locker, I ran to Oli's. He was just putting his stuff in his locker, when I jumped on his back and whined, "Ollliii! Can we hang out today? It feels like forever since last time!"

He laughed and replied, "Sure, Joshy."

I got off his back and we walked to the park. We sat underneath a tree and he picked a flower. He put it behind his ear and said, "How do I look?" He was grinning like a fool.

"You look amazing," I replied truthfully. He found another flower and put it behind my ear.

"Now we both look amazing," he said with a smile. I could feel myself blushing and wished it to not be noticeable.

We talked about normal shit, for the most part but, somehow, we ended up singing. Oli had just finished singing/screaming part of My Chemical Romance's, Our Lady of Sorrows.

I immediately started singing a song that hasn't left my head for days. "Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town!" I started to play air-guitar and Oli started laughing. Of course, this caused me to laugh, too.

"You're such a dork,' Oli joked.

"I know," I said, giggling.

When we were fully recovered from our laughing fits, we couldn't think of anything to say. We stared into each others eyes longer than most friends would. I felt my body move, but I had no control. I leaned in and kissed him.

He didn't react at all. He stayed still the whole time. I pulled back and he had a confused expression. I know I shouldn't have don't that. I should've just kept this to myself. I quickly mumbled an, "I should go...," as I jumped up and ran.

"Wait! Josh, wait! Hold on!" he yelled after me. When he finally caught up with me I was almost home. He grabbed my forearm, causing me to wince.

"Josh... what was that?" he asked.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. Oh, God. Fuck. I'm sorry." I could feel my eyes start to betray my rule of crying in front of people. I pulled my arm out of his grip and quickly ran to my house. I hastily shut the door and ran up to my bedroom.

I threw myself onto my bed and started to sob. I just fucked up the most important friendship in my life. Sure I had other friends, but we didn't talk often.

I sobbed until I fell asleep. When I woke up it was 2:30 in the morning. I sat up, put my back to the wall, brought my knees to my chest, and cried into my arms.

I ruined it all. I always do, eventually. I either hurt someone or make them hate me. Oli must hate me now. He won't want to be my friend again. I don't know why he would be my friend in the first place. He's so beautiful and funny, while I'm just so ugly and weird. Why would I even think for a minute that he might like me back?

I took off my shirt and I grabbed my phone. I took the case off the back and grabbed the small piece of metal. I held it up to my aching forearm. I pressed down and dragged it across my skin. I dragged it across several times, until I reached my satisfaction.

I put my shirt back on and tried to fall asleep. I listened to Fall Out Boy for an hour, and finally fell asleep to What A Catch, Donnie.