irreplaceable // ziam

ii. realization (denial)

"Hey Liam what's wrong?" 

"Liam?"

"Hey are you okay, what happened?"

"Please talk to me"

"Why aren't you eating your food?"

"Who did this to you? Do I have to beat someone up?"

"Liam..."

Silence. All I could give him was silence. He cared probably more than anyone else and I still couldn't mutter out a fucking word. I couldn't bring myself to admit that there was something wrong and that I just wanted to be held and be told that everything was going to be okay. Of course, I couldn't admit that to him, I've only known him for a couple months now and it's getting a lot harder to fucking push these feelings for him aside. Especially now that he's dating one of my friends, Gigi. Now I see him everyday, and we spend every lunch together. 

But this... this is the fucking worst. I can't bring myself to say anything because it hurts too much to feel right now and if I say anything, I feel like I will break into a million pieces and not be able to put myself back together. This is how much it hurts, that talking has become unimportant. That letting people know about my feelings is not important, because I feel like I'm a ticking bomb ready to explode and destroy everyone in sight.

It hurts so much and he cares so much... But I can't. I can't let myself fall deeper than I already am. What I feel for him is forbidden.

Plus, he's straight.