Martha My Dear

Chapter 22

Slowly my eyes blinked open the next morning tiredly. An unbearable pulsating sensation was causing my head feel as if it were going to explode at any given moment, the bright sunlight peaking into the room not doing me any favours.

I looked over to my side to see Paul facing me on his side still asleep, wearing a plain white tee shirt and plaid pyjama pants as he laid with the covers half kicked off of him.

I hadn't even recollected him coming to bed, the night before having been so chaotic I must've completely knocked out cold waiting for him.

He looked peaceful as his lips were parted slightly, his face expressionless yet gentle. I admired his handsomeness even when he was resting, there was just a certain quality about him I couldn't stop myself from loving.

After hearing me stir he begun to shift, groaning quietly to himself as he ran a hand down the side of his cheek.

I watched as his eyes blinked open just as mine had, smiling when he saw my face.

"Well good morning." He chuckled groggily, taking the pillow beside him and tossing it at me playfully, embarrassed I'd been watching him.

My draw dropped open slightly with a lighthearted gasp, pushing his shoulder back gently.

Swiftly grabbing around my waist, he pulled me into his chest, a glint of mischief in his eyes as he leaned in to kiss me.

"Up and at em, we're leaving for breakfast soon." Brian shouted opening the door to our room peaking in with a grin.

"Brian." Paul scoffed annoyedly as the two of us broke away from each other's gaze, taking another pillow and throwing it at the door, causing Brian to roll his eyes.

"I better see you two ready soon." Brian warned with a point of his finger before shutting the door once again.

Paul huffed getting up from the bed shifting uncomfortably, hastily taking the sheet from the foot of the bed and scrunching it into a ball in front of him.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused as he bunched it up in front of his waist.

"Nothing." His face reddened as he walked toward the bathroom to begin getting ready.

When he was out of sight my smile fell, becoming deep in thought. Although I felt ready to fully let myself love and trust Paul, I felt he needed to know what had happened previously to the life I'd been living in London.

Sure, I'd told him about briefly about my past and how I'd had the choice of how I had the choice to either get married or move out on my own when I turned 21, but I didn't tell him moving out on my own wasn't my first choice.

It was one of the many reasons my father hadn't a single ounce of confidence in me in his entire body, knowing the "humiliation I'd caused him", to put it in his words.

I got up from the bed trying to let it leave my mind for now, I'd tell him when I was ready.
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We'd soon gotten ready and hopped in a van with the rest of the boys and Pattie, ready to quickly grab breakfast then be off to sound check, the boys having two shows today to prepare for.

As I first saw Pattie in the morning, the rush of memory from yesterday flooded back into my mind, realizing I'd told her about everything in my state of guilt and drunkenness.

I prayed she hadn't remembered. She didn't mention anything of it, so I fell grateful although slightly on edge because of it. I wouldn't have to be worried about her remembering for much longer, Pattie soon after a few more concert dates was due to leave the tour for her work.

It saddened me she would have to leave so soon after just getting to know her as a friend instead of an enemy.

"Charlie, What's wrong?" Pattie questioned in puzzlement as she waved a hand in front of my eyes as the two of us sat on some large amps backstage waiting for the boys to be done in the dressing rooms.

"Charlie, what's wrong love?" William inquired softly, caressing my arm as we were picking out centrepieces for the wedding, sat at his dining table side by side.

"Nothing, j-just thinking. Peonies or orchids?" I tried to brush off my thoughts of doubt, looking into his dull blue eyes, noticing immediately a lacklustre of any passion behind them as he looked back into mine.

"Is it rude if I say neither?" He smiled crookedly with a laugh, making me unsure if he was joking or not.

Staring at him, I soon questioned what the hell I was doing with a guy like him. He was, safe, and terribly boring, may I add. All he ever did was go to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat it all again the next day.

The routine had begun to drive me insane. I wanted to be able to feel like we could do anything together, and that I could tell him anything and know he'd be there to support me. I wanted spontaneity, a word I'm not sure Will knew the definition of.

Without another word I leaned over impulsively and kissed him, feeling him pull away from my lips immediately, completely uninterested.

"Let's not get crazy, my parents are due home from work anytime now." He spoke with a small chuckle, causing my face to heat up in humiliation.

Did he even love me at all?

"Do you remember anything from yesterday night?" I inquired as casually as I could to Pattie, afraid she'd say yes.

She shook her head with a grin.

"No, I may have went a little heavy handed on the drinks." She giggled shaking her head.

With a sigh of relief I nodded thankfully.

I could tell she was about to question further when the boys appeared from the hallway, interrupting her.

Paul greeted me with a small kiss placing his hands on my thighs and leaning up against my knees, me having been elevated at his height by sitting on the amp.

"Have you seen the stage yet?" Paul asked excitedly.

"I have a feeling I'm about to." I joked as he grabbed onto my waist to help me down with a chuckle.

Grabbing onto my hand we walked out to the main stage, myself nearly breathless as I stared out to the mass amounts of chairs staring back at us soon to be filled with people.

"Paul?" I asked after a moment of pure silence as we stared out at the venue, watching him and how perfect he looked

He hummed curiously, looking over to me quizzically.

I bit my lip in contemplation.

"There's something I need to tell you." I confessed with a heavy heart, no longer able to keep such an awful secret from him any longer. I knew that if he couldn't forgive me, it would hurt less now than if I had told him I was in love with him.