Martha My Dear

Chapter 27

As the day went on Paul and I did everything we could to entertain his family knowing that in the morning they would be back on a train to Liverpool.

I had really began warming up to Jim, Angie and Ruth, they were such a huge contrast of my own family, the three of them being so warm and inviting people.

A knock had soon come at the door, George, John and Ringo all coming in despite Paul's hesitancy.

"Boys." Jim popped up from the couch excitedly to go and greet each of them individually.

Paul looked back to me shaking his head with reddened cheeks, clearly being embarrassed by his father.

"We were in the neighbourhood and thought we should stop by to say hello to the man of the hour." John explained with a chipper grin, his eyes catching mine for a moment.

"Well come sit, Paul, do you want to fetch the lads some more tea?" Jim asked his son with an innocent smile.

"Oh I would love a cuppa." Ringo smiled warmly to no one in particular before looking over and seeing Paul's grimace, jumping slightly in fright.

"I'll be back." Paul announced before walking off into the kitchen.

They all began catching up, their Liverpudlian roots being very prevalent as they did so. I smiled in awe watching as Jim looked so merry. I admired his attitude, war had hardened my father past the point of pleasantries.

"I had tea with Mimi the other day, she says to call her about that 'more popular that Jesus' stuff she heard on the radio?" Jim's lips curling upwards knowing better than what he'd read about it.

John groaned.

"I'm going to get my arse handed to me on a platter." He muttered.

"What d'you got there?" George asked leaning over the back of the chair I was sitting in, changing my focus as he looked down at the book I had been reading to Ruth.

"It was for Ruth. However she seems a bit tied up at the moment." I smiled looking over to where John was holding her sideways as Ringo ticked her sides like mad, all three of them laughing like little girls.

"I've put some lyrics to the song I played for you on tour, I think it's good, if it ever sees the light of day with my one to two songs an album." George chuckled lightheartedly although the truth behind it made me disheartened.

"-George," I frowned.

"Hello love." John interrupted with a grand smile, myself getting up to return the hug he was leaning down to give.

John puckered his lips teasingly as if to ask for a kiss like he had previously on tour.

I cringed teasingly, shaking my head.

"Not happening." I laughed.

He pouted in a child like manner, crossing his arms.

"How's Cynthia and Julian John?" Jim inquired kindly, sitting back down in the recliner.

My stomach churned slightly, I was well aware of Cynthia's distaste for me, especially after I'd gone touring with the lads, I had overheard John and her bickering about me once on the telephone.

"Swell, Jules is getting big now, I have pictures." John began telling Jim about his son, flipping open his wallet and squinting at the pictures, going over to Jim to show them.

"So, is everything alright with you and Paul then? Things seemed, rocky, there for a minute." George inquired softly making sure only I could hear him.

"Everything was good." I looked up to him seeing he was leaned in close to hear my response.

"I'm glad." George smiled warmly, his gaze lingering.

A loud throat clearing causing the two of us to look over to see the irritation on Paul's face.

George stepped away from me and I excused myself from him, going over to Paul seeing the jealous look on his face I really hoped he'd gotten past this.

Paul took me by the band into the kitchen and I knew instantly that it wouldn't end well.

"Paul," I warned.

"I see the way he looks at you." He scolded with pure frustration overtaking his body.

"You don't trust me." I fired back in almost whine, tired of playing this game.

He never wanted to talk through everything completely, he avoided heavy conversation at all costs. It was "Charlie, let's forget about the past and build a future" when he couldn't even take his own advice. We were stuck in the same cycle of distrust.

Although he said he understood why I did what I did, I knew he couldn't quite wrap his head around the situation. I couldn't even help him understand, because he always dismissed it quickly. When we had told each other we loved each other, that was only a distraction away from what needed to be talked through.

This is why I haven't dared get into anything serious since Will. It was so hard to find some who would understand.

"I would trust you if I wasn't afraid you'd leave."  It was visible he fought hard to keep his cool.

"- I would never do that to you." Hurt was clearly visible in my features.

"Well you left William!" He shouted, causing the sounds of conversation from the living room to come to to a halt.

"You're never going to understand." I stared at him blinking away the tears that began to well up in my eyes.

His jaw dropped as he was at a loss of words.

"I want to be with you, not George, not Will, Paul McCartney. But I'm not sure you'll ever understand." I started backing away from him to the back door.

"Where are you going?" He asked softer, a whirlwind of emotions going on in his sad brown eyes.

He remained stiff yet looked lost. He was sorry yet didn't understand what he was feeling. He needed time to figure himself out and what he wanted.

"I'm giving you the ending you've expected from me all along. I need some time and I think you do too." I shook my head, tired of being treated like a child.

"Charlie, I didn't mean it," he began frantically.

I rushed out of the back door, feeling icky knowing this is what I told him I wouldn't do. What was wrong with me?

Although I felt like a giant hypocrite, I couldn't handle being repeatedly criticized for my past every time I did so much as looks at someone for too long.

I ran out to the front and out of the gates, feeling it was beginning to rain. I quickly hailed a cab and got out of the neighbourhood before I saw if Paul opened the gates.

"Where to miss?" The cab driver inquired.

"The train station." I spoke, rummaging through the last bit of cash I had in my jacket pocket.
                       ________________
"You're where?!" Audrey gasped sounding like she was having an aneurism.

"I'm not meant for Paul. I'm not meant for London. Audrey, I just can't watch Paul drive himself mad always thinking I'm gonna leave. At least this way he won't have to be in constant worry." I groaned.

"You do hear yourself, right? You sound insane." She spoke in a high pitched voice, clearly displeased.

"Aud, I've been distrusted by too many people in my life, I didn't think that would ever be Paul too." I became choked up.

She stayed silent.

"I'm going home. My father was right. I really can't be trusted with anything."