love is a mess - jachary

MEMORIES

jack focus
(first person)

throwback 

sunday, december 23rd, 2018 - i remember it as if it was yesterday. in the morning, jonah, corbyn and daniel left me alone with zach all day and came back the next day.
after having spent the day laughing, playing fortnite and flirting with him, we sat on the sofa to watch a movie. his so loved horror movie.

it must've been around 10:00 pm. so we started to watch it, and arrives a moment when zach was scared as fuck, but for real. he was like that five years old kids who hide their eyes with their hands whenever they see a monster or some shit like that. he was so cute back then.
well that's not the point tho.
i put my hands on his cheeks to rassurate him and i paused the movie before saying " zach, you're the best person i've ever known. "
and it was the shittiest thing i've ever heard.
but zach didn't pay attention - thank god by the way, because i feared that he'll answer with something stupid - he just looked at me with his cute smile and our lips were getting closer.

when they touched, my heart was beating so quick that i wondered for a second if it wouldn't explode.
this time, there wasn't corbyn to stop us (lmao). by thinking back to this memory, i get to smile for the first time since zach's accident.
i remember his pink cheeks and his cute laugh. i guess this day was the best of my life...?

i want to smile and cry at the same time - smile because zach makes me happy and cry because this fabulous person could die at any moment. i hope he will survive though, because if he dies, i...
well, i'd rather it didn't have to just end like this.

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why don't we focus

it was 10:00 am and two weeks have spent since the accident. zach still didn't wake up and boys started to fear that zach won't survive. they were very anxious about his state. of course, they were trying their best to hold on, but it's hard to keep hope when your best friend hovers between life and death.

this afternoon, they were going to see zach and they were really perplexed. jack had a huge mental breakdown.
each day, boys were scared because they just couldn't imagine what would happen if zach went to die.

when jonah saw him collapsing after the crash, it took him five whole days to fully recover from the shock.  he didn't want to think that this night might be the last moment of zach's life - jonah cries at that thought, a great tremor overtaking him. he had trouble holding his heartbreak as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. god, i swear this fucking crash can't be my last moment with him. please save him.

.

daniel, for his part, just wanted to celebrate his birthday... why did zach have an accident that same night?
it completely changed his day. daniel never thought that a simple birthday party could turn into something so serious. he knew that it wasn't his fault but he couldn't help but feeling guilt. he was thinking that if he didn't organise his party, zach wouldn't be in that fucking hospital.

.

corbyn was stressed too, but in a different way. he didn't cry, didn't lost his appetite or sleep, he was just indifferent. he was living as everything was normal but his eyes have lost their usual sparks. but what was the most scaring was the fact that corbyn wasn't saying a single word although he used to be the most talkative member. a vacuum atmosphere reigned in the house continuously.