the well- trixya

five

tw// mentions of rape and suicide (brief)

Katya and her mother offered to drive Trixie to the meeting after Katya received a string of odd texts from her friend. They said things along the lines of "can't make it, I'm so sorry," all the way to just a mixture of odd emojis. Katya decided she owed Trixie one, anyway, after Trixie drove her to the mall.

When Katya and her mother pulled up to Trixie's house, they were taken back a bit by how unkempt it appeared. Trixie was sitting on the front porch. Her makeup looked like it was applied quickly and anxiously.

Trixie had gotten in trouble on Friday night. She was hanging out with a boy who started kissing her and feeling her up. They were in her bedroom- her pink wonderland. It reminded her of February, so she told him to stop. He didn't. She yelled and shouted at him until he gave up, but then he slapped her. Again, Trixie shouted, and then her step father came into her room. He called her a slut and got mad at her for yelling. The boy left, and Trixie cried into the early hours of the morning. By the time she fell asleep, her head was pounding with pain. Her mother woke her up at seven by screaming at her for bringing another boy home. And now she was embarrassingly sat on her front stoop to be picked up by Katya and her mother.

Katya made small talk on the car ride, though Trixie wasn't reciprocating it very well. When they entered the meeting room, they sat beside one another.

"Hello, girls," Michelle said. "I see you've all completed your task from last week, so thank you." She smiled warmly at the girls. Katya looked over Trixie and noticed how there was a bruise forming on her wrists.

"This meeting we're going to do something a lot of you are probably dreading." Katya felt her heart speed up at Michelle's words. I'll have to tell. "As many of you as we can are going to tell the group what brought you here," she said.

Katya's stomach churned violently. She immediately got dizzy and nauseous. She wanted to run out of the room and never look back, but she could see Trixie tensed up a bit, too, and she wanted to be there for her friend. Maybe that was why Michelle had forced everyone to get a friend.

Trixie was nervous at the prospect of sharing what happened. She knew it was relatively common, and she likely wasn't the only person in the room with a story like her own. However, it was how she was dealing with it that brought her here. She could need to be vulnerable- which was never a comfortable place to be.

A girl named Adore volunteered to go first. She said she felt responsible for the death of her brother when she was babysitting him. Not as bad as mine, Katya thought.

A girl named Alaska talked about shoplifting and kleptomania. Trixie scoffed in her head. Try being me, she thought.

Then it was Trixie's turn in the circle. She knew she could just opt out and go the following week, but something deep inside of her told her if she didn't do it today she knew she would never be able to. She took a deep breath and looked over at Katya, the girl she had wrapped around her finger, and took her hand for support. "Last February," she began, "I was raped by a classmate at a party." She paused for a moment and looked down at the floor. She felt her eyes begin to well with tears, but she didn't want to cry. She was so tired of crying over this. "And ever since then, I've been using people to feel in control. That's what my therapist says, at least."

Katya was shocked. She felt so terrible for Trixie. Katya remembered the bruises she had seen and took note to ask about them to make sure nothing like that had happened again. At the same time, she considered whether or not Trixie was using her. She didn't think so- they had such a fun time together. It didn't feel wrong at all.

Then it was Katya's turn. Her heart sped up and she squeezed Trixie's hand tightly. Her head was spinning and she took a moment to ground herself. Five things I can see, five things I can feel. Trixie, Trixie, Trixie, Trixie, Trixie. She took a deep breath and looked at Trixie. Katya didn't even notice she was crying. "This happened last summer," she said. She recognized some of the other girls then. Adore and Ginger had been in school with her. She thought that Kim might have been, too. They knew her story all ready. Everyone did it seemed. "I was dating this girl, Dela. We had been dating for almost two years. Then she killed herself. And it's my fault."

Katya was sobbing at this point, her body shaking violently. Trixie just watched as the girl cried. What was she supposed to do, comfort her? She couldn't. She just held onto Katya's hand and rubbed her back lightly. Katya's entire body was flooded with anxiety.

Michelle spoke up. "What would your say therapist about you saying that, Katya?"

Michelle had a point. Every time Katya and her therapist talked about Dela, she had tried to change Katya's mind. She has tried to tell Katya that she wasn't responsible. That Dela was manipulative and depressed and that it wasn't Katya's fault. That continuing to blame herself would do nothing but destroy her. And it had been.

"My girlfriend was depressed and abusive, but she killed herself and blamed me in her suicide note." Katya choked on a breath of air. "It's not my fault, but everyone blames me." She was having a full-blown panic attack. She couldn't breathe or see or feel or remotely be alive.

"Trixie, take her to the bathroom, please," Michelle said. The other girls were staring bullets into Katya's skull. She could feel every single one until they killed her.

Katya was numb as Trixie led her to the bathroom. She practically fell into a stall and heaved and gagged before eventually throwing up. Her entire body was trembling. Trixie stood and held her hair back. She had never seen someone in such an awful state before- other than herself in a mirror.

The girls sat silently on the cold tile floor until Katya learned how to breathe again. Trixie held her hand and rubbed her thumb along Katya's soft skin.

Maybe she was just as wrapped around Katya as Katya was around her.

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hello! im going to italy tomorrow so no updates next week :( I'll also be updating my other story tonight so yay!! see y'all later :)