Raini Rodriguez: A Definitive Reading

Chapter Five: Worthy of Skinny?

Ray and Roy Jr. were blessed enough to be Raini's older brothers, but unfortunately, they were not skinny enough to become one of Raini's boyfriends. Five years after the birth of their princess, Diane and Roy welcomed baby Rico on the 31st of July in 1998. He would soon become Raini's first lover. They have had an on and off relationship since his birth. Here is a timeline of Raini's relationships.

Her first relationship began when she was only five years old, on the 31st of July in 1998. The lucky man was Rico Rodriguez. They had a healthy relationship until Raini was eleven years old, when the couple's first break occurred.

With no way of getting over this devastating first breakup, Raini kissed one of the Sprouse brothers while filming for The Suite Life of Zack and Cody to make Rico, who was six years old at the time, jealous. The viewers at home at that time must have thought that they were going to end up together, seeing the passion from their kiss. But Raini ended the romance only a few minutes after their steamy exchange by slapping him on the face. An exit worthy of a Skinny Legend!

After this fiasco, she spent a year single. Getting bored from the lack of romance in her life, she reignited her love for Rico during a Grammys' red carpet. The couple stayed together for a strong five years after this. Their second break occurred when Raini got wind of the rumour that Rico was helping Modern Family co-star, Sofia Vergara, for her kissing scenes.

During one of their breaks in 2014, Raini had an affair with Jay Z, Flopyoncé's husband, which added fire to their feud. Being the generous woman she is, Raini quickly ended the relationship but not without saying the following sentence: '' Try taming your man next time, sweaty!'', which Beyoncé responded with '' Yes, madam. I will. Thank you for your generosity.''

Rico and Raini then got back together... but not for long. After Rico was spotted at a car dealership with his hands wrapped around an overweight woman (She is speculated to be Peyton List), Raini decided to end it, once again. Raini's thirst for chaos returned when she decided to start a romance with Mr. Pete Davidson. Her hotness caused the end of his and Ariana Grande's engagement. This then made Pete end up on the streets of New York amongst other homeless people.

The Queen has since then given birth to Baby Guadelupe Trish Davidson. The news outlets are not sure about the child's true biological father as Raini could have gone back to Rico during her brief romance with Mr. Davidson around the time Guadelupe Trish was conceived. Both men have agreed to state their opinion for the benefit of our readers. The following statements come from Rico and Pete, in this respective order.

'' I feel betrayed. How could Raini do this to me? She is the love of my life and she should have kept the future generations' blood untainted by outsiders. Me and Chewy (Rico's nickname for Raini), we're pure Rodriguez. We could have had an empire of skinnies! The world at our feet! ''

'' Me and Guadelupe Trish have this connection that only a father and daughter could have. I knew Raini went back to Rico one time, but I ignored it. I didn't want to lose her. I had lost everything after calling off my engagement with Ariana. Raini picked me off the streets and I will be eternally grateful for her.''

In the present, Raini has allegedly settled to spend the rest of her life with her husband, Rico. He proposed to her with a 98 carat diamond ring shaped as a raindrop.

Their wedding was a private ceremony, that I have been blessed enough to attend for research purposes. Raini wore a custom 30 million-dollar gown made by the Raindrops' Foundation sewn by anorexic children and ornamented by Beyoncé's tears. It was quite spectacular as she officiated her own wedding, because no pastor held more power than her. But when she asked if anyone objected, the whole room's hands shot up, begging for her to remain a single woman. She handled it quite perfectly with an iconic one-liner "I'll have affairs, skinnies." Rico and Raini have now been a happy married couple for a month.