Today I realized
My former friend
For the entirity of last year, you seemed to change for the worse with each passing day. You grew egoistic and spiteful.
For the whole year I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
I thought you suffered from a trauma or something equally as bad.
But I gave up on you.
You were an asshole, a liar, a flaker. Always seemed to betray what trust I put in you.
It wasn't you anymore.
I had no desire to hang out with the new person in your body.
Today I realized
My former friend
It was always you.
It hurt you even more than it hurt me and everyone else you pushed away.
You didn't want us there.
You didn't want anyone loving you in the moment of your death.
You knew, it'd make us sad and we'd blame ourselves for not helping you enough to overcome your fatal urges.
In the end you were loved anyway.
All of us were hurt anyway.
