People keep talking about the feeling of loneliness, a feeling which occurs like a literal bang of pain for me, I don't fucking understand it. It's not metaphorical, it's a very intense feeling I get at random and it's probably the closest feeling I've gotten to being suicidal.
This pain that occurs, seemlingy in my chest, seemingly in my heart, seemingly everywhere, seemingly nowhere, at random.
Every time it happens, everyone I love flashes before my eyes as if they're a cure for which I don't need a memorandum.
Because I cannot forget and they might be right there, but in that moment, I have no idea where.
I've gotten this feeling since childhood and maybe it's a reminder of everything good,
a reminder of people who'd be sad if I was no more.
It's only because of them that I'm not suicidal, ironically enough, but that goes on to prove the worst thing about life.
