Hiraeth (The Walking Dead)

Chapter 27

Carol found Cailey up in the perch where Daryl used to sleep. The girl was staring at her boots, knuckles bleeding as she tightened her fists. Her dog sat across the small room with his head cocked in confusion. When Carol looked at the wall across the room, Cailey's blood was staining it. The woman couldn't tell quite what emotion Cailey's face held. It was stoic and blank as usual.

"What," the girl mumbled.

"Cailey," Carol began gently. "I know you're confused and upset, but I'm sure you also know why Daryl left with Merle."

"No," Cailey shrugged, finally looking up at the woman in the doorway. "No, I ain't confused and upset. I'm fuckin' pissed. The stupid redneck couldn't even say bye. An' I don't know why he had to leave. All I ever heard o' Merle was bullshit about how he treated Daryl. He knows how much of an ass Merle is, so no. I don't fuckin' understand."

Carol let out a soft sigh. "I know it can be hard," she nodded to Cailey. "Especially because of your past with your father. But even though Merle can be an ass, he's still Daryl's family. Daryl was out with Merle for several years before the world fell apart."

Cailey scoffed, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "World fell apart for some of us long before the walkers."

She began walking past Carol, but the woman grabbed her arm. "Where are you going? It's nearly dark."

"Ain't no Daryl, ain't no me. I wouldn't've even been in this group, hadn't been for him. I'm goin'."

"Cailey, no," Carol kept her voice gentle, but she tried to be more strict. "You can stay even if Daryl isn't here. Life can still get better. You're maybe what, sixteen now? You're much better off in our group. You're a good kid, you've even saved some of our lives a hundred times."

Cailey pulled her arm away from Carol. "Yeah, I can do that anywhere. I don't belong here."

"Yes, you do," Carol emphasized each word. "I think right now, you're just upset and worried about Daryl. Don't make choices like this while you're still feeling like this. Just stay the next couple weeks, calm down. You'll change your mind. Okay?"

Cailey sighed, petting the top of Friar's head as he pressed his cheeks against her thigh. She dropped her bag back on the floor of the perch. "Fine."

Carol finally gave a small empathetic smile to Cailey. "Good," she nodded gently. There was a short moment of silence. "So, have you thought about a name? Or are you still calling him Dog." The woman's smile grew a little.

"Friar," Cailey mumbled. "His name's Friar."

"Like Friar Tuck," Carol nodded. "How far have you gotten with that book? You like it?"

The teen shrugged. "Almost done. Daryl said I reminded him o' Robin."

Carol smiled again, trying not to let tears prick her eyes. "Yeah, you are like a little Robin Hood."

"Right."

"Well," Carol sighed again with a nod. "Why don't you come down to the block dining hall and eat something? I think Rick's cooking up some of the canned beans and some squirrels for everyone."

Cailey came down from the perch only to eat, giving most of her food to Friar. That was the last anyone had seen of her that night. The rest of Rick's group let Cailey have her space for the night, knowing she would still be upset about Daryl.

But even after retreating back to Daryl's old perch for the night, Cailey still wasn't convinced about staying at the prison. Merle was an awful person, Daryl had said so himself. She still couldn't wrap her head around why he'd run off with his older brother- assuming Rick was telling the truth. But Cailey couldn't see why Rick would lie about that.

Unless, of course, Cailey meant so little to Daryl that his abusive drug addict older brother was more important than coming back- even if it meant bringing Merle with him. That was the only reason Cailey could think of that Daryl would intentionally leave. This past year had meant nothing to him.

But it still didn't matter. Daryl was gone. The only reason anyone had ever trusted Cailey to be a part of the group was gone. Yes, Cailey knew that everybody else in the group considered her to be family now. But Daryl was different. It was almost as if Daryl was family. He was the only person who understood. She didn't have to talk to him for him to understand.

They didn't have to have a conversation in order for Daryl to understand that whatever caused the burn marks on her sides had traumatized her. That her father had the same thing happen to him.

They didn't need to speak when Carl questioned the permanent bruises on her shoulders and arms, and Cailey was too awkward to explain what had done it.

They didn't need to explain to each other when nightmares had woken them up in the middle of a two-hour sleep.

They didn't need to talk at all to understand each other. They knew who they were. They knew bad things had happened to each other, and that sometimes it wasn't worth talking about. They found comfort in each other's company just knowing.

But there wouldn't be anymore of that.

No more Daryl clipping Cailey upside the head like a playful scolding.

No more Cailey catching Daryl by surprise and frightening him in the woods.

No more coming back to the group smelling like cigarettes, only for Carol to get on Daryl for allowing Cailey to smoke.

No more "clodhopper."

No more "redneck."

No more wrestling on the ground and scaring the rest of the group that they would kill each other while playing.

There wouldn't be anymore of that. Daryl was gone. And now, Cailey would be, too. No Daryl, no Cailey. She was on her own again after the past adventure.

It didn't matter what Carol said. Cailey didn't belong here in the prison anymore. Cailey belonged on her own.