thank u, next - billie eilish

fake smile

"after laughter comes tears."

"miss me?" she smirked. "not really, can you like, leave again?" i spoke coldly, looking her in the eyes.

i refused to put up with her bullshit anymore.

"bold. very bold. you'll pay for that later." she smirked and walked away. i quickly headed up the stairs to biology. if i'm being honest, i was still terrified of her. she had the power to make me feel like nothing. it was disgusting.

i sat in my seat and waited for class to start. i hated this class the most because i had to sit by oscar. he was a complete ass. always picking on me for nothing.

i didn't talk much and i don't know why but it infuriated people. especially him. he sat next to me in disgust. "she's so fucking annoying and she stinks." he laughed to the table behind him. i just plugged in my headphones and ignored him.

after class ended i decided to skip. i'd been feeling awful all day and i just wanted to be with rosa at lunch. i hid in the library for a while when i heard alexis' annoyingly familiar laugh fill the quiet space.

"it feels good to be back." she spoke. i felt my body tense up and tears brim my eyes. i wanted to kill her.

i heard her footsteps get closer and closer to the corner i was in, then she appeared towering over me. my heart dropped when i saw who she was with. billie.

"billie here has told me alot about you y/n." she laughed popping her gum. i swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down. "well y/n, say something." billie spat. is she really about to treat me like this?

alexis ran her fingertips across my cheek and smirked. "poor thing." she laughed. billie looked uncomfortable and checked the time on her phone. "yo alexis, it's time to head out." she spoke nervously tapping her shoulder.

they walked away and billie looked back at me for a brief moment. after they left, i broke down.

"if you would like to join the lgbtq+ program after school, please come to the office for sign ups." the principal spoke over the intercom. i sighed and held my head in my hands.

if i join this i'll just get hated on more. not to mention, if alexis found out, i'd get bullied more.

after what felt like forever, the bell finally rang for lunch. i went to the vending machine, got water, and headed to me and rosa's lunch table. if we're being honest, lately i haven't had much of an appetite.

rosa sat next to me and smiled. "hey girl, how have you been?" she asked sweetly. i was about to answer when alexis, billie, and rana walked into the cafeteria together. i choked up and rosa noticed. "hey, look at me." she spoke sweetly holding my hand.

"let's just, leave this fucking place." she laughed. we both got up and went to the bathroom.

if you wanted to skip school completely, you'd escape through the bathroom window.

she held me up as i climbed out and i grabbed her hand to help her up. we ran away laughing and stopped when we reached the park.

we sat on the swings and rosa pulled out her phone and put on spotify. one last time by ariana grande played as the wind blew and rain drops began to trickle down. i enjoyed the moments i had with rosa. moments like this are what kept me alive.

we stayed at the park joking and laughing until it got dark. "i should go home, but i don't really want to." i confessed, sighing. "then don't, come home with me." rosa said smiling.

i thought about it.

"that'd kinda feel like cheating, y'know?" i sighed. we were both sitting on the swings looking at the sky. "y/n i don't care if you got billie in your heart. all i really care about is waking up next to you and keeping you safe." she confessed.

does rosie like...like me? was that a confession?

"well alright. let's go home." i smiled, putting my hand in hers.

when we arrived at her house it smelled of vanilla and lavender. i felt comfortable here. "i haven't been over here in a while. where's your nona?" i asked. rosa lived with her nona since her parents were very busy people.

"she's on a trip to vegas. i love her but she's so wild." she giggled. i laughed as well and sat on the couch grabbing the blanket next to me. i wrapped it around me to warm me up, i was almost drenched from the rain.

rosa took off her hoodie and threw it on the floor. she was wearing a tight white tank top and leggings. i hadn't payed much attention to her body until now and it was beautiful.

"take a picture, it'll last longer." she joked. i hadn't realized i was staring until now. thoughts began roaming through my mind, ones i shouldn't have been thinking.

"rosa, i have an idea...a bad one."

+

i was listening to one last time while writing this bitch i'm fucking sobbing