A Little Too Far, A Little To Broken (Naruto Fanfic)

The Genins, Ch. 9

Naruto's POV

The walk to the meeting point was the hardest. I had to keep repeating to myself that all I had to do was put on a beautiful fake smile.

As if sensing my discomfort Sasuke would alternate between brushing our shoulders together or calling me a "baka".

It was helping... a̶ l̶o̶t̶ a little.

As we walked closer to the clearing, Sasuke made sure to keep a distance between us, occasionally shooting me concerned glances, telepathically telling me he was there and I could do this.

"Traitor", I mumbled at him, or his general direction as I was to busy looking at the ground.

I could only imagine the smirk that had definitely formed on his face. 

The closer we got to the meeting place, the more my mind raced. My depression reared its ugly head when I caught a glimpse at the already gathered genins. 

My heart started beating faster, and my face couldn't help but form an almost perfect (fake) smile as if on instinct. It was an instinct...

God, I hate myself. Come on! I had to get myself together! 

"Naruto..."

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" I yelled waving my hand in a frantic way. 

"I'm... sorry. Are you... okay" He asked in a hesitant way. 

"I'm fine!" I said, trying to reassure my obviously uncomfortable sensei as much as I was trying to reassure myself.

He reached for me. 

~

"You will never become a real shinobi, you really should die, after all, you're just wasting the life Kami gave you."

~

In a split second, my resolve cracked. The fear... the anger all came crashing down. My utter hatred at them... at myself. Wincing away, I slapped his hand away from me.

After realizing my short blunder, I quickly covered up my emotions. Looking around, the other genin were looking at me with worry. The senseis weren't any better. And Kakashi, he was looking at me, his hand that I had hit clenched at his side as he tried to hide his pain.

"Naruto... do you want to talk about it?" Kurenai-sensei asked.

~

"You talk so much, it interferes with missions!"

~

I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout about it. But all I could whisper was...

 "I'm fine"

"Why!" Sakura screamed.

Startled I jumped.

~

"You should just die! Like, who cares about you, you don't have parents and you're always getting in the way"

~

"What do you mean Sakura-chan?" I said, forcing a laugh, only seeming to anger her more.

"Why won't you do something! Yell, scream, hit us! Stop pretending everything is so peachy and sunshine! Why are you standing there laughing and smiling! Stop being such a fake!"

Just like that, all my energy drained away. I looked down, trying to compose myself. Telling myself to hold on. But I knew my face was betraying me. I was angry. 

I knew what they were seeing. They were seeing me without my mask. Without my walls that protect me. Why was I holding back, they already saw me without it.

Clenching my teeth, my head rose and I glared at her... at them. They think this is easy! They think I'm this way of my own will!

Taking a deep breath, I unleashed everything I was holding back. The flood gates opened and I wasn't able to close them. I was just so...furious.

"You think I want to always be happy! This is my way of coping! I want to hit you! But that won't solve anything. I want to yell and scream and throw a tantrum, but that does nothing! I am losing. Every thought, every breath is a battle, and I don't even want to win it anymore." I seethed.

"I hate the dark days and sleepless nights, the grumpy mornings and the endless tunnel that is my life!" I said, screaming.

"We're trying to understand, so just talk with us!" Kiba yelled back.

"You will never understand the hell I feel inside my head. You don't understand. You will never feel afraid of losing someone. Never understand wondering if someone is afraid of losing you! Never understand doubting your every move" I screamed at him.

My sight was a blaze of red, and I knew I wasn't in control. I was going to hit someone. I wanted to hit someone!

In a flash, a comforting presence was behind me. Whispering soothing things in my ear. 

"I'm afraid of losing you" He whispered.

Sasuke.

At the sound of his voice, my legs crumpled and I fell.

 Again, I found myself in his arms, shivering and weak.

In the position I was, I could hear Sasuke's heartbeat. With that thought, everything faded to black, and I welcomed it... because I knew I was safe in his arms.