The celestial being known as Eternity reclined on a comet and pondered the universe. After several hundreds of millions of years had passed he let out a loud discontented sigh. His colleague Everywhere took note of Eternity's dissatisfaction and took corporeal form on the comet next to him. "Why the long face, friend?" she asked.
"Does not this universe displease you?" Eternity replied. "I find it most tiresome."
"How so?" Everywhere asked.
"It is just... messy and chaotic and full of dull vicious lifeforms that will never amount to anything of substance."
"Yes, I am aware of this. I am everywhere at all times, after all."
"Then you must certainly know what I'm getting at. Being everywhere you must be intimately aware of the sheer meaninglessness of it all. With countless infinitudes of stars, planets, organisms, and atoms all banging around creating what amounts to little more than annoying noise. Do not you grow weary of such things after a few eons?"
"Such is the nature of existence," Everywhere said with a shrug.
"Yes, but this was not always the case. Do you not remember a time before all the chaos? A time when everything was at peace. A time when everything was a single point?"
"Are you referring to the long ago times? Before the event known as the Big Bang?"
"Yes!" Eternity shouted. "Were those not the days? When the concept of days as we know them did not exist? Could not we get together with the others and, I don't know, cause this universe to implode or something?"
"Are you forgetting how boring it was back then?" Everywhere asked. "It's not much fun being everywhere at once when there is only one place and time to be. And there was no getting away from anyone because there was nowhere to go. Do you not recall how insufferable Knowledge was blathering on all the time about absolutely nothing because there was nothing to talk about? I seem to recall you were the most annoyed of all. That's why we caused the Big Bang event to occur in the first place."
"Yes, but I didn't know how good we had it. Things were simple then and now everything's exceptionally complicated and keeping track of all eternity's making my head start to hurt. Plus, in theory the idea of 'life' sounded neat, but in actual practice it's an absolute disaster. Why are living beings so bloody dumb? I thought Knowledge was irritating, but little did I know that beings that don't possess knowledge, but believe they do are infinitely worse."
"I agree, living beings are quite irksome," Everywhere said. "Perhaps some compromise could be reached. Could we not destroy all life and leave the rest of the universe intact?"
"Hmm. I suppose it's worth a shot. Let us eliminate all life from the universe and see if that does not improve things."
It ended up being a massive improvement and Eternity was content for the rest of eternity.
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